Sunday, June 15, 2014

"Don't Tell Dad!" & MYHSM Linky Party



Making your home sing Mondays


Welcome to the Making Your Home Sing Monday linky party!  Every day you are doing something to make your house into a home for yourself and your family (if you have one). 

My point with each Monday post is, what are YOU doing or going to do today to make your home sing?  It can be an attitude or an action. So have fun, do some blog hopping, and link up!  Thanks!


Topics can include marriage, parenting, encouraging women, organization, cleaning, saving money, our behavior and attitudes, homemaking, homeschooling, recipes.....the opportunities are endless.


Note: We had 112 linkups last week!  You guys are awesomely amazing and amazingly awesome!  Don't forget to visit one another and try to leave a comment on at least one blog to encourage someone today!  :)  

On the left sidebar (down towards the bottom) is the "Making Your Home Sing! Monday" button which I'd love for you to grab and paste into your post!  It is a "no-follow" button.



"Don't tell dad!"

Sometimes these words would pop out of my young children's mouths when they had done something wrong.   They already knew that they had done something they shouldn't have and they didn't want their dad to know about it.

Some of their reasoning may have been that they didn't want to disappoint him, and some of it may just have been that they didn't want him to know in case he had something further to say about what they did.

"I don't keep secrets from your dad," I would remind them.

I usually gave hubby an update when he came home about how my day went (sometimes the minute he walked through the door, lol!).

But there were times when they hadn't done anything wrong.  In fact, maybe they had done something RIGHT or something awesome or funny had happened.  I would encourage them to call daddy and share their news with him as well.

I wanted my children to see their dad as my parenting partner.  I did not want to create a little "club" that their dad was not a part of.  I did not want him to be an outsider in his own family.  I also wanted my children to believe that they could come to their dad with anything.

I don't keep secrets from my husband, but I have kept confidences from him.  There is a difference.

In my position as a pastor's wife, I will often have someone's confidence and I do NOT pass those onto my husband (unless they ask me to, of course).

I also kept my children's confidences.  To me, the difference between a secret and a confidence is a secret involved holding back a wrong-doing and a confidence held back a thought or feeling.

So there were times that I kept my children's confidence, but I would also urge them to talk to their dad about it, telling him "He will understand and he can help!"

Later, I would usually discover that my children had talked to their dad, and they found that sometimes daddy had a different perspective than mommy on the situation.  They also learned that daddy did indeed understand, and did indeed help, and that he wouldn't laugh at them.

Sometimes children can get very used to confiding in mom from babyhood on, but they need a little more encouragement to confide in dad.

What YOU can do to help this along is:

1.  Pray for your husband's willingness to "court" his children and recognize the importance of spending individual time with them.  The goal is to win their hearts and when you win their hearts, you will have their confidence.

2.  Encourage your husband to plan some one-on-one time with your child.  It can be something as simple as going out for a coke, taking a walk, reading a bedtime story, or more involved such as a movie or a sporting event. A lot of talking can get done in the car on the way to an event!  Quality time is great, but you're looking for some quantity time here too, so pray that he will be consistent about setting time aside on a regular basis.

3.  Encourage your husband if he gets discouraged.  Conversation can take time (especially if the child is older and not used to confiding in daddy).  It starts out small and builds up.  Remember, he is building a closer relationship with his children and that takes time, but the rewards are immeasurable.

4.  Offer to plan something for them to do if you see that he is struggling in this area.

5.  Encourage your husband to let your child talk and not shut them down right away by trying to "fix" it.  Encourage him to just listen and, if advice is asked or guidance needed, to offer his opinion as an opinion instead of a directive.  Remember, we are talking about sharing confidences here, not a confessional.  If the child is confessing to a wrong he has done, that is a bit different, of course.  But if he is just sharing his feelings or confusion about a decision, remind daddy to listen FIRST and not fix. Fixing is for later, let your child get all his words out first.

As I said earlier, children can get used to talking and sharing their confidences with mom, and as much as they love their dad, they might be a bit intimidated to talk with him at first, if they aren't used to it. They may believe he's too busy or just assume he "doesn't care" about the little things as much as mom does.

It's up to daddy to show them that he DOES care by spending time with them, whether it's carrying them on a piggy back ride to bed, a tickle fest, a pillow fight, taking them out for a coke, etc.  One-on-one time means a lot.

A fun shared moment ending with daddy asking "So how was your day?" will eventually reap huge rewards in your child's life AND your husband's as the answer to that question will continue to knit their hearts together in love.

What are you doing or going to do today to make your home sing? Please go here for instructions and/or ideas and come back here to link up to join us today! 



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12 comments:

  1. Thanks for hosting! I enjoyed the post today!

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    1. Thank you, Debbie, and thanks for joining up! :)

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  2. Thanks for the party!

    Have a great day!

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    1. You too, Bobbi. Thanks for linking up today and have a great weekend!

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  3. Thank you so much for hosting! :)

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    1. Thank you, Misty. So glad you could join us today! :)

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  4. I love the message of this post, as I reflect back to many times I think I got the confidence and secret mixed up and didnt include my partner in the kids activities, now it is hindsight and regret, however, to my defense, my husband was to harsh in his reasoning with the kids.

    Thanks for hosting, have a great week!!

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    1. Karren, I love how your name is spelled with two r's. I assume it's pronounced Kar-ren (and sounding like "car" as opposed to "care.")

      In your case, I imagine that you were protecting your children from your husband's lack of patience. I imagine you all had many fun moments too when hubby wasn't as stressed!

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  5. Nan...What a great post to explain the difference between secrets and confidences. I have found, even with adults, secrets are always to hide something not good or troubling. However, when a shoulder is needed for encouragement or just to listen, confidential conversations are more needed. I do love that you still encourage your children to share with their dad as they shared with you. Daddies can be good listeners, too. Thank you for a excellent post and for hosting. Blessings to you for a fabulous week friend.

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    1. Thank you! You have a great weekend! Yes, there are many times when that shoulder is needed for some confidential unburdening or unloading, both for adults and children! ;)

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  6. Nan, this is excellent! Thanks for sharing it and for hosting this week.

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    1. Thank you, Judy! I hope you have an awesome weekend, my friend.

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