Dear Kids, I am not a morning person.
No really, I'm not.
Haven't you figured that out yet?
You think I'm listening to you because I'm being quiet. I'm not being quiet.
I am sleeping with my eyes open.
I am not nodding my head because I agree with you. I am nodding my head because, as I fall asleep, my head falls forward and it jerks me awake.
When I move my head from side to side, I am not disagreeing with you, I am trying to shake myself awake.
I am having cold cereal and milk for breakfast. I am having it because that's the only food that I can prepare and eat in my sleep.
Why do you get up so early? Are you trying to get back at me somehow?
Is it because the birth canal wasn't wide enough when you were coming through? Were the baby wipes too cold? Was your bedroom too warm? Are you mad because I didn't buy you that candy at Walmart when you were two?
I've often wondered why people say "I slept like a baby."
Babies don't sleep. They regenerate. They are simply charging their batteries.
And while they are "sleeping" and recharging, they will occasionally test their lung power. But only when they are sure that you are really and truly and deeply asleep. Otherwise it's no fun.
I am still recovering from all those years of sleepless nights and zombified days. And I'm still tired.
This, my children, is why I am not a morning person.
I am linking up to these parties today: