Saturday, January 18, 2014

The Night I "Failed" My Child & MYHSM Linky Party


Making your home sing Mondays


Welcome to the Making Your Home Sing Monday linky party! Every day you are doing something to make your house into a home for yourself and your family (if you have one). 

My point with each Monday post is, what are YOU doing or going to do today to make your home sing?  It can be an attitude or an action. So have fun, do some blog hopping, and link up!  Thanks!


Topics can include marriage, parenting, encouraging women, organization, cleaning, saving money, our behavior and attitudes, homemaking, homeschooling, recipes.....the opportunities are endless.


Note: We had 45 linkups last week!  You guys are awesome!  Don't forget to visit one another and try to leave a comment on at least one blog to encourage someone today!  :)  

On the left sidebar (down towards the bottom) is the "Making Your Home Sing! Monday" button which you are welcome to grab and paste into your post!  It is a "no-follow" button.


He was tired and cranky and annoying.  He was two, and he did NOT want to go back to sleep.  He woke me up in the middle of the night asking for water.

So I went and got him a glass with a little bit of water in it, and when I brought it into his room he started whining and saying "Nooooo!"  He didn't want it.

As I started to walk away with the water he cried "Water!!!!!"  So I turned back with the water and tried to hand it to him.

He cried "Noooooo!"  He didn't want it.  Again.  Pretty sure you can guess what happened next.  I walk away with the water and he cries "Water" and then we start the I-want-it-I-don't-want-it all over again.

In my fatigued state, it never occurred to me to set the sippy cup down next to him and let him drink it when he wanted it.  I was annoyed and tired and starting to get angry at this "game" he was playing.

I kept trying to get him to drink the water so I could go back to bed and he kept saying "nooooo!"  Finally I had exhausted my patience, and I lifted the glass.  I don't think I was thinking, I was reacting and I was lifting my hand so that I could dump the water all over his head, I guess.

As my hand slowly moved, my mind, tired as it was, wasn't THAT tired and I shocked myself into waking up completely enough to stop myself.  I don't think I've ever poured water on anyone's head and I certainly wasn't going to start with my two year old.  I suppose that's why I shocked myself into wakefulness.

I have never forgotten that moment.

The moment where I was so tired and so angry that I almost dumped a glass of water on my two year old's head.

The moment when I burst into tears at what I almost did.

The moment where I shocked myself at what I might be capable of.

The moment where I grabbed my baby and just held him in my arms and cried and cried.

The moment when I realized I was focusing on the wrong thing.  I wasn't focusing on his needs, I was focusing on MY needs.

I wanted to go back to bed.  Period.  I wanted to go back to bed as quickly as possible.

I was determined to give him that water and get back in my nice warm bed.

Instead of seeing it as an opportunity to serve, I made it a battle.  


Instead of seeing it as an act of love, I saw it as an act of war.  

Instead of seeing my precious son's face, I saw my nice, warm bed.  

Instead of a need, I saw a chore.

I know that my son does not remember that night, but I do.  I remember that night because I felt like a failure.  I felt like I had failed my son.

I remember that night because, over the years, there have been many times where I felt like a failure again and again as I failed to live up to the image of the "perfect" mom that I desired to be.


I remember that night because as my children grew, I realized that their capacity to love me and forgive me was greater than my capacity to love and forgive myself.

I remember that night because there HAVE been times over the years when I have failed.  And I remember a God who restored me.  Who loved me in spite of myself.  Who was my Hope when I had none, and my Encourager when I needed encouragement.

A God who taught me that it is wrong to put higher expectations on myself than He has for me.  A God who taught me that when I focus on my failures, real or perceived, then I am not focusing on Him.

And I remember a sweet, cranky, tired little boy who didn't know what he wanted, and maybe all he really needed was a hug.


What are you doing or going to do today to make your home sing? Please go here for instructions and/or ideas and come back here to link up to join us today! Please do not put your own "Making Your Home Sing Monday" Linky on your blog.



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I am linking up to these parties today:


TheBetterMom.comWhat Joy Is MinePhotobucketHappy Wives ClubLiving Proverbs 31
125 Titus 2 Tuesday Button Teaching What Is Good Messy MarriageFamily Home and LifeWise-Woman-Builds

Missional Womenhttp://christianmommyblogger.comHappyandBlessedHome.comFaithful Friday Blog Hop

16 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. You are welcome! Thank you for linking up, my friend!

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  2. Oh, my goodness, Nan! I don't think you failed your son at all! You were tempted to, sure! But you did what was even harder than keeping your cool throughout the whole groggy night's conflict. You saw what wrong you were about to commit and you resisted! Whew! I can't tell you how many times I've given over to the temptation all the while knowing it was wrong! I did it (probably still do it) from time to time with my kids. I did it a lot and often still do with my hubby, poor guy! I love that you saw this, knew what you were doing that was hurtful AND reminded yourself of what true love is/was. That's a huge success in my book, my friend! Blessings to you, girlfriend!

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    1. Thank you, sweetie! I remember feeling so bad at what I almost did. As for your comments, you're not alone. I have had times where I lost my patience or said something I wish I hadn't said or had to ask forgiveness......fortunately I have a forgiving husband and kids! ;)

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  3. The good thing is that God is able to forgive these things we did or almost did to our children. Children make us realize what we are capable of. God is a God who forgives and doesn't even remember what we did. Is that amazing or what?!

    Thanks for hosting, Nan.

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    1. Yes, it IS and I am so thankful for His faithfulness and His forgiveness!

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  4. Love this Nan! I feel like I could have said any of those things, of course you said it so perfectly! Thank you for sharing your heart. I'm going to share this on Salt & Light link up, and I'd love for you to share a post that touched you and spread the joy.

    Thanks!
    Marissa
    http://raysofgraceandjoy.blogspot.com/2014/01/salt-light-3.html

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    1. Thank you for the invite, Marissa! What a lovely name you have!

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  5. Excellent thoughts, Nan! It's amazing what exhaustion can do to a normal woman! It's so good that God gives us His Spirit to reveal things to us that we can't see otherwise. Thanks for sharing and for hosting!

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    1. Thank YOU for linking up my dear! Yes, we certainly struggle to think clearly when we're exhausted. Fortunately we have a God who never has trouble thinking clearly!

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  6. Nan I loved this post. I think if we are all honest we have all done things that made us feel like a failure as a parent. This post has really touched me.

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    1. Yes, I think so too., which makes us feel like we're not alone, right! Thank you for your sweet comment!

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  7. Thank you so much for sharing this post. It really convicted me. It's hard being a mom of little ones and sometimes it's easy to see everything as a battle. It's a good reminder that we're called to serve...not fight.

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    1. Thank you, Jessica! I'm glad it blessed you today. Being a mom IS hard, but it is also just such a joy (although it has its moments, haha). Those blessing days mix in with those battle days so that it makes the "job" of mom a bit easier!

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  8. Thanks for sharing this story! You reminded me how hard it is for me to be full of grace when I am exhausted. I am so thankful that His mercies are new every morning.

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    1. Amen! Me too, Lyli. What a lovely name you have and I love the spelling! Hoping and praying that you get a good night's sleep tonight, my friend!

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