Sunday, October 20, 2013

10 Ways To Fall In Love With Your Husband All Over Again






Several months after our second child was born, I began to feel empty inside.  I was tired, I was drained, I was weary.

I also began to feel like I wasn't in love with my husband anymore, and it frightened me.  I had focused so much on being a mom that I forgot how to be a wife.

My husband and I were so busy being mommy and daddy that we forgot to be husband and wife.  We were neglecting our relationship.

I was focusing and directing all my energy on my children and my hubby got the leftovers.  Problem was there wasn't much left over.

I was also confusing the emotion of love with the action of love.  I was confusing a feeling with a fact.

Are YOU there today?  Here are some ideas to help fall in love with your husband all over again:


1.  Set aside time every evening for your spouse.  The kids are in bed and you have the rest of the evening before you.  You're excited.  What are you going to do?  You can hardly wait to open that favorite book, turn on your favorite show, or hop on the internet. All day you've been looking forward to some "me" time, but what about some WE time?

Don't forget to set aside time for your husband as well.  Make him a priority, not an afterthought.  Watch a movie together, talk, laugh, ask him how his day went and really listen.  Turn the electronics off and spend time together.

2.  Don't confuse the ACTION of love with the FEELING of love. Don't dwell on your feelings.  Just because you're not "feeling" it at that moment doesn't mean the love isn't there.  Love is action, not emotion.  When you do the action, the feelings will come.

3.  Don't focus on what he's NOT doing, focus on what he IS doing.  When we focus on the negatives it is hard to see the positives.  Sometimes we forget that it is not our job to change our husbands and it's not our job to raise them, either.  But it IS our job to honor and respect them.  When you are serving and honoring your husband, you are serving and honoring the Lord as well.

4.  Remember.  What drew you to him in the beginning?  Sometimes, the very things that caused us to fall in love with our spouse in the first place can be the very things that annoy us now. Remember why you fell in love with him.  Remember the good things that he does.  Remember his strengths, not his weaknesses.

5.   Flirt with your husband!  Leave a little note on the bathroom mirror or in his lunch.  Give him a kiss as you walk by, reach for his hand when you're walking together, make him his favorite meal, send him a note on facebook, meet him for a lunch date, just surprise him with love! Don't worry about how you feel, give it time.  When you continue to do the action, the feelings will take care of themselves..

6.  Pray for your spouse and thank the Lord for him.  This bears repeating.  Pray for your husband, every day. Remember, there's a difference between praying about someone and praying for them. Pray for his relationships, needs, job, health, wisdom, integrity, purity, safety, etc.

7.  Don't neglect the physical side.  There was a time when the kids were little and I was so tired at the end of a day.  I was afraid to even give my husband a quick kiss for fear that he would want something more that I wasn't sure I could deliver!  As a result, I rarely initiated a kiss and pulled away from one as quickly as I could!  This, in turn, made my husband feel bad.

Do you run through your to-do list in your head when kissing your husband?  Is his kiss an interruption in your busy day?  Holding hands, hugging, kissing, cuddling and more is a very intimate, important part of our marriage.

Don't save affection for only the bedroom.  Greet him with a hug and kiss when he comes home. Give his hand a squeeze during church.  Let him know you love him with your touch as well as your words.

8.  Don't bash your husband to your friends or family.   We all need someone to talk to from time to time, but there's a difference between sharing what we're going through with a trusted friend and bashing our husband for the evening's entertainment.

When we begin complaining and bashing our husbands to our friends, we dredge up all that emotion and soon we can find ourselves feeling annoyed with our spouse, even AFTER we've already resolved the situation with him. He needs to know his heart and reputation is safe with you.  Guard your relationship.

9.  Remember, your husband is not your child.  Have you ever heard someone say something like "I have three children: my son, my daughter, and my husband."  Sure, the person is making a joke, but it can be a problematic one.  When we start allowing ourselves to actually think like that, it is easy to lose our respect for our husband and makes it harder to honor him the way the Lord wants us to.

10.  Learn to forgive and let go.  You will say the words "I'm sorry" many times in your marriage.  At least, I hope so.  But will you say the words "You always...." or "You never....." even more?

When we forgive we need to let go.  Continually bringing up the past and throwing it in our husband's face hurts him but hurts us as well.  Holding onto past hurts can lead to bitterness which can steal our joy and strain or ruin our marriage.  Fortunately, we have a God who is more than willing to help us learn how to forgive and let go!



Love from your strengths, not from your weaknesses.  

We can love our husbands unselfishly or selfishly.  We can want what's best for them and desire to bless them with the things we do and say, or we can try and manipulate them through our tears, words or actions.

We can lead with our love or lead with our ego.  


We can fight for our marriage or fight for ourselves.  The choice is ours.




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20 comments:

  1. Amen to all of these, Nan! And I really love that statement, don't just schedule "me time" but "we time!" So true! I'm going to remember that one!

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    1. Thanks, Beth! I need those reminders myself as it's easy to get wrapped up in "me" time, isn't it?

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  2. Wonderful advice! Thanks for hosting & God bless!

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    1. Thank YOU so much for stopping by and linking up!

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  3. Thanks for hosting! You made some really great points in the post! Love the post!

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    1. You're welcome! Thanks for joining us today.

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  4. Thank you for sharing. I especially love #8. It breaks my heart to hear others doing this.

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    1. I did a little "husband bashing" myself early in our marriage. Not often and not a lot, but still my hubby didn't like it and I don't blame him!

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    1. Thank you, Judee, for popping over and leaving me a comment! :)

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  6. This was a WONDERFUL post. I loved the wisdom I found here today! God bless you for your faithfulness to Him and for sharing what He has placed upon your heart. I so enjoy your blog and thank you ever so much for the weekly link-up. You are a blessing! Love, Cheryl

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    1. Thank you for your sweet words my friend! You blessed me today! :)

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  7. Loved this post, Nan. I am way late at linking up as I usually do it Sunday afternoon or early evening. You are the first linkup I do, so even though I am late you are the first. You hold a special place in my heart. Thanks for hosting again.

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    1. Thank YOU for linking up! You are dear to my heart too, sweetie! I have been forgetting to link up a couple of times this week and last week. Some days I remember and some I don't. I just get too busy and forget, so you are doing better than me!

      I always copy over all the linky party buttons but then forget to link up. This week I think I only remembered to link up on Tuesday and Friday linky parties, lol!

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  8. Nan...thank you for the link up and post. Good ways to encourage love in a marriage. Have a good week friend.

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    1. Thank you, Naomi! I had a busy one, lol! I hope you have an awesome weekend!

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  9. Great advice and reminders. I need to step up the flirting! :)

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    1. Thanks, Tauna. It's always fun to flirt with our hubbys, isn't it? Especially when they aren't expecting it! ;)

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  10. Such great advice! I think I need to work on #1!

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  11. Me too, my friend, me too! It's hard when the kids are little to find some "me" time let alone some "we" time. But even when the kids are older it can still be hard as you STILL are busy and have things that occupy your time. I do better if I am intentional about it and just MAKE the time rather than worrying about having the time.

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