Friday, August 30, 2013

Are You Breaking Or Repairing Your Marriage Today?

Image courtesy of Michal Marcol at

When my husband and I were first married, we went to one of our favorite places for breakfast one morning.  We sat across the table from an elderly couple who were having their breakfast as well.  They sat across from each other that morning and each read their morning paper, not talking to one another at all.

Right then and there my husband and I looked at one another and made each other a promise that we would never do that.

Now, looking back on many, many years of marriage I can tell you that that couple were probably comfortable enough in their marriage to do that, and that it didn't mean they didn't love each other.

I can also tell you that it's possible that one or both of them aren't "morning" people and therefore had made a mutual decision to be quiet together.  As I am NOT a morning person I can totally relate to that.....

But, after many years of marriage I can also tell you that many times we have to go outside our comfort zones for the betterment of our marriage.

  • We have to talk when we don't feel like talking 
  • Be quiet when we don't feel like being quiet 
  • Say "I'm sorry" when we don't feel like saying "I'm sorry" 
  • Compromise when we don't feel like compromising
  • Love when we don't feel like loving

We have to stretch ourselves and better ourselves.  We have to look at our husband's needs and desires and consider his feelings as well when making a decision.

Even your language changes.  Marriage is no longer me, it's WE.
Even your future changes.  It's no longer just me moving forward, it's US moving forward.

It's an adjustment!  But once you make that adjustment and get that mindset down, it's smooth sailing from there, right?


Because then you add in some kids, or you change jobs or move.  Someone gets sick or injured, or loses a job, or gets a job.  Someone you love dies, another baby is born.......

We make adjustments and bend and flex and stretch throughout our marriages.  The beauty of the marriage tie is that it will bend and stretch and move right along with us.

The marriage tie won't break.   Unless you break it yourself, or unless he breaks it.

It may unravel a bit, but you can quickly braid and bind it up again with the grace and love that God gives you to give to your man.  He has an endless supply.

Image courtesy of nuttakit at

It's a chord of three, you know.  You, your husband, and the Lord.

Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
(Ecclesiastes 4:12, NIV)

".....A cord of three strands is not quickly broken..."  It takes work and time to break that chord, and it takes work and time to repair that chord.

What are YOU doing today?  Breaking or repairing?

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  1. I love the idea of marriage as a cord of three strands. I've never heard it before. I'll tuck it away and the next time I'm annoyed or distressed, I'll imagine myself rebreeding us into one! Awesome.

    1. Yes, it's a wonderful Bible verse, isn't it? It's also a great reminder, to me, of how I can easily unravel that chord or braid it up again!

  2. Having a strong marriage takes work but is so worth it in the end. My husband and I are kinda like your elderly couple once the kids are in bed and we are actually able to get alone time it is actually nice to just enjoy the company without speech. Thank you for posting this today I love your blog :)

    1. Thank you! :) I still remember those wonderful moments after the kids went to bed and all was quiet, lol!

  3. So true! That scripture is one of the cornerstones of our marriage!

    1. Yes, it is truly a solid foundation for our marriages, Carol! Love how you use the word "cornerstone" as I'm sure you know Jesus has been called the Cornerstone! :)

  4. This is a great and very true post. I find myself having to "stretch" out of my comfort zone often. It is so easy to become selfish in marriage as the woman b/c we give so much that sometimes you just want everything to be about you, your feelings, your needs. And while it is very necessary for the family to work together to make sure that we are all giving and meeting the needs of the the wife...I have to keep in mind and make sure that I don't become selfish in my relationship with my husband. He is such a good man, but that's not enough to make the marriage work. It takes that continual stretching and getting out of our comfort zones that you are talking about. I love it!

    1. Thank you for your sweet comment, Steph! Yes, it IS easy to become selfish, especially if we have easy going husbands like mine, lol!

      I also think it's good for our children to have to stretch out of THEIR comfort zones a bit too, by understanding that it's not all about them either. As you said, it's that "continual stretching!"

  5. I loved this post! At first I was getting upset with the first part because Del and I go out, and there are many times he pulls out his iPad and I pull out my iPhone and we're very happy together.

    Yes, the cord of three is definitely a way of keeping the marriage strong and true.

    1. Thank you! Yes, I understand and that's why I said that they were probably comfortable enough to do that and indeed, may have agreed on it! And it doesn't mean that they don't love each other.

      However, I do think it would be a bad thing if they did it at home too and never talked to one another unless absolutely necessary! When we let our friendship die, we risk losing an intimate part of our marriage relationship.

      I suspect that you and your hubby don't spend your entire time out with your nose in your phones and ignoring each other, and that's why you're so happy! :)

  6. So many great thoughts here, Nan. Marriage truly is designed to be about giving to our mates the way God so graciously gives to us. That's not an easy task, since our human nature is naturally selfish. But your practical suggestions help to give us handles to demonstrate that gracious attitude we should have. Thanks for giving us a peek into your marriage past and the choices you've made along the way, my friend!

    1. Boy that's for sure! Seems like I'm always praying to be less selfish, lol! I'm so glad that I have the Lord to turn to. Thanks for your sweet words, my friend!

  7. I liked your example of the elderly couple in the restaurant. My husband I often don't talk in the restaurant that much. We talk in the car on the 1/2 drive to the restaurant, LOL. We are used to privacy and like going out once in awhile. I'd rather we talked more while we are eating but that is just how he is, and that's ok. Don't get any ideas that he is not talkative, lol!

    1. Oh that's funny because we're the opposite. My husband doesn't like to talk to much in the car when he's concentrating on his driving. So we are pretty quiet in the car and do all our talking in the restaurant, lol!


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