Sunday, July 28, 2013

When Is It O.K. To Say "No?" & MYHSM Linky Party

Making your home sing Mondays

Welcome to the Making Your Home Sing Monday linky party! Every day you are doing something to make your house into a home for yourself and your family (if you have one). 

My point with each Monday post is, what are YOU doing or going to do today to make your home sing?  It can be an attitude or an action. So have fun, do some blog hopping, and link up!  Thanks!


Topics can include marriage, parenting, encouraging women, organization, cleaning, saving money, our behavior and attitudes, homemaking, homeschooling, recipes....the opportunities are endless.


Note:  We had 104 linkups last week which is awesome!  I'm sorry I wasn't able to visit all of you, but I do thank you and appreciate you linking up!  Don't forget to visit one another and try to leave a comment on at least one blog to encourage someone today!  :)

When my husband and I first got married I had trouble saying "no" to people.  Anything anyone asked me to do at anytime, I said "yes."  Without hesitation. Without thought or prayer.  Whether I wanted to or not.

Hubby knew I had a problem saying no and so he agreed to say "no" for me.  So for our first year of marriage I used my hubby as an excuse to say "no" to everyone who asked me to do anything that I didn't feel led or like I wanted to do.   Now, obviously I said "yes" if a friend invited me out for ice cream. Duhhhhhh.......


Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net


But if it didn't feel like it would be a good fit or decision for me, I said "I'm sorry, my hubby said no."

That worked for a year until my husband said that everyone must hate him, lol!  It was time for me to take responsibility and learn to say no for myself.  Sometimes we just have to develop our "just say no" muscles!

For some of us, it can be hard to say no.  We want to please someone, help someone, or we aren't sure whether this would be something God would have us to do or not.  We're worried about disappointing God or making someone mad at us.  So we struggle.  We wonder, when is it o.k. to say "no?"

Image courtesy of Andy Newson at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Every situation can be different and, as always, you should seek the Lord because sometimes, what looks like a NO should be a YES!   But sometimes, it should be a "no."  Fun trying to figure it out, huh?!

Here are some things you might want to consider when you're struggling with saying "no."

1.  Say no when your schedule is so packed that this will stress and overwhelm you.

2.  Say no when someone is trying to bully you into saying "yes" or trying to guilt you into it.

3.  Say no when your spirit is telling you that this is a bad idea.

4.  Say no when this would cause you to consistently set aside your other God given priorities, such as your family, and this would not line up with the goals/priorities you feel God has given you.

5.  Say no when your husband asks you to.  He is your spiritual authority and often, when we are all confused and muddled about what to do, God will speak through our husbands.  We need to listen to them!

Of course, there are times when you may think of saying yes.  But before you do:

1.  Make a commitment to pray over a decision and give it some time to think about it.  Tell the person you need 24 hours before you get back to them.

2.  Check your calendar.  Take a realistic look at your week.  Do you have time to bake 3 dozen cookies on Wednesday?

3.  If you're feeling uncomfortable about the decision, ask and pray about whether you are uncomfortable because of your schedule constraints or just because it's outside your comfort zone.  Maybe God wants to stretch you and maybe your "no" should be a "yes."

4.  Don't allow yourself to be pressured or bullied into a decision.  Pay attention to your instincts and gut reaction and be prayerful.

5.  Seek wise counsel.  This is the time to talk it over with your husband, seek advice of people that you trust and respect when it's a big decision and you are wrestling with it.

Sometimes saying "yes" will be added stress and yet we will say yes because it feels like the right thing to do. That's o.k.  There are times in our lives where we're going through stress and difficulty but we can't say no to everything.


Sometimes our "no" needs to be a "yes" so that we can faithfully live out what we believe and let God show Himself strong and walk us through it.

What are YOU struggling with today?  Is it a "yes or a "no?"  Trust Him for wisdom today and make your home sing!

What are you doing or going to do today to make your home sing? Please go here for instructions and/or ideas and come back here to link up to join us today! Please do not put your own "Making Your Home Sing Monday" Linky on your blog.


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26 comments:

  1. I was like you, Nan, early in my marriage and life--fearful that if I said "no" I'd be rejected or miss an opportunity to serve (I wanted to serve in everything at that time! ha). Anyway, I've learned how to say "no" and really weigh things through like the wise suggestions you've provided, Nan. It really has helped me to serve with joy when I do serve. Thanks for always being practical and relevant, my friend!

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    1. It really does make it easier to serve when we WANT to help, doesn't it? Sometimes I had to really pray to have a good attitude and do it willingly since I'd already committed to it, even though I didn't want to. God gives grace when we need it!

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  2. As much as I like your funny posts, I love your serious ones. This is such good advice!! Thanks for sharing it over at WholeHearted Wednesdays this week. I hope you have a great week!!

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  3. Like your hubby saying "no" to everything you didn't want to do, I gave my children permission, whenever they were in a peer pressure situation, to say, "No, sorry, can't do that. My mom would kill me." It got them out a more than a few potentially dangerous situations. It's certainly important to know when to say no, and when to say yes. I'm glad you included the faith element from the standpoint that sometimes God leads us to say "yes" to something we cannot accomplish in our own strength. :)

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    1. That's awesome, Lori. On occasion my kids would do the same thing. Not a dangerous situation perhaps, but one in which they were pretty sure I would have said "no."

      Yes, God does stretch us sometimes, doesn't he?

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  4. I am not good at saying no. I am getting better at it as I get older, especially since I want to be a good example for my kids. There have been too many times in my life when I have said yes to too much and I was no good to anyone! It's still hard for me though, I really enjoyed your thoughtful post and plan to keep your tips in mind...especially #1! Great advice!

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    1. I think it's just something we have to learn and perhaps get better at it as we go. I have a friend who LOVES to be busy, and I mean she loves to be "crazy" busy.

      I could NEVER handle her schedule as she crams as much as she can into each day. But she loves it! I would fall apart, lol!

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  5. Dear Nan
    I wonder how often our "want" to serve is not a way to earn approval and acceptance! Since performance is the language of the world, we find it hard at times to wrap our minds around the wonderful joy that God is not about performance, but about being and relationship!
    Blessings XX
    Mia

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    1. So true, Mia! We also forget that to serve is a blessing and a privilege and we should do it joyfully instead of grudgingly!

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  6. This is a great post that offers such wise & practical advice. It is so true that it is hard to say "no" at times. In reading this post, what has come to my mind is that sometimes saying "no" is really the greater "yes". it is when we say no to that which we are not to do that we are able to fulfill that which God intends for us to do. Thank you so much for this today!
    Blessings,
    Joanne

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    1. That beautiful, Joanne, and so wise! You really made it so clear and plain.

      Yes, when we say "no" to the good things we can be opening the door to say "yes" to the better things! :)

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    1. You're welcome! Glad to have you join us again, my friend!

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  8. Ahh...it used to be so hard for me to say no. I felt guilty no matter what I did and guilt ruled my life. But then the Lord began to teach me that if I said yes to everyone else's call on my life, I would not have the time or energy to say yes to HIS! YIKES! That was an eye opener. And I finally (after many years) began to understand what the gal who discipled me when I first came to Jesus used to say: for the believer, the Good is the enemy of the Best.

    Thanks for sharing this excellent post today and congrats on how wonderfully fun and full your link-up is growing!

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    1. Love that, Kate! Yes, that guilt can cause us to do things we aren't called to do, and to leave us too busy to do the things we ARE called to do!

      We have to know the difference between guilt and conviction! :)

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  9. I loved this post! My perspective has changed to saying 'No' more often. I also look at Good, Better, Best to help me decide how to answer!! Excellent post!...but they are all very good! Blessings!

    I hope you share this over on the "EOA' Wednesday coming up if you didn't last week! So many need to really think about this!

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    1. That's a great way to look at it, Jacqueline! See you Wednesday!

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  10. My husband has been so helpful over the years at letting me know when I need to say "no". I am a "yes man" by nature, and God has used my husband to teach me that it's not His will that I take on every opportunity I'm given! That God wants me to do excellently the tasks He's called me to, rather than to a bunch of "do-gooder" things half-heartedly. To obey, He says, is better than sacrifice. :)

    What reaffirming words. Thank you!
    I'm visiting from the Growing Home Link-up this morning :D

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    1. You have a very wise husband, my friend! So glad you stopped by today!

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  11. Hello :) stopping by from Wise Woman Link Up. I really appreciate your post, so useful, thank you. Tara.

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    1. Hi, Tara! So glad you stopped by and left such a sweet comment! Thanks for stopping in!

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  12. I use to give the green light until scripture taught me how to speak to my husband first. Thankfully he has saved me on numerous occasions, I love that man.

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    1. What a sweet tribute to your hubby! I agree. My husband is a very wise man and I am always thankful for the times he has "saved" me too! :)

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  13. I am absolutely the worst at deciding when it's time for a yes and when I need to say no. Your tips are awesome. I love that your husband allowed you to use him as an excuse. He's a keeper!

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    1. Thanks, Kasey! Yes, he IS a keeper. He was very sweet for letting me use him as my excuse for so long, lol! :)

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