Friday, June 21, 2013

We're Not Trying To Start A Mommy War



Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net


Moms with children can't wait to tell you how rough it's going to be.

I know.  You see, I'm one of them.

We make jokes, we tell you our "horror" stories, and we shake our heads wisely and tell you, "Oh you just wait. You'll see."

I remember being so excited about being pregnant after nearly five years of trying.  And weary, tired moms telling me "Oh sure, you're happy now.  But wait until you've been up all night and feel and look like something the cat dragged in."

Sometimes we moms joke about being a mom.  Seeing your son out of his diaper and covered in poop is not exactly the first thing you want to see in the morning, or the afternoon or evening, for that matter.

But we can top any story you have with a BETTER one.  More puke.  More poop. More tears.  We can steal your excitement and steal your joy and make you feel like an idiot for even sharing your story in the first place.

We're bonding together as experienced moms, as if we're in some special club that YOU can't join. You are excluded, as you're either a non-mom or a rookie mom.   Because we've been moms a lot longer than you and so you don't know anything, right?

You make some comment about a problem you're having and an idea of how you're going to solve it and we look at one another with secret smiles and gaze at you fondly as if you were an innocent child who just said something silly.  Because we've been there and we KNOW it will never work because obviously YOUR child is exactly like our child.  Right?

You share the wisdom that you've learned and the experiences you've had in your few months of parenting and we just laugh in your face.  "Just wait," we say.  "You have no idea.  You haven't seen anything yet.  Just wait until they turn two.  Just wait until they start school.  Just wait until they're teenagers.  Just wait until they can drive. Just wait until they're young adults."

You will never be able to catch up to us because we will always be one step ahead of you.

By the time your child is walking OURS is running.

By the time your child is potty trained OURS is training her younger sister. By the time your child starts kindergarten OURS is starting middle school.

By the time your child learns to ride a bike OURS is learning to drive a car. By the time your child starts junior high OURS is starting college.

We might be the same age as you or older than you, but if our child is older than your child, we are ahead of you in the "race."  

Or, at least, it might seem that way to you.

We are one step ahead of you, always.  And you will never catch up.

And then one day, YOU will be walking through the mall, holding onto your active toddler's hand and chasing your preschooler, and you will meet a new mom with a sweet newborn in her arms.  You will look her in the eye and say "Just wait until she's two."  And the cycle begins all over again.

You don't measure up.  This is how it can make you feel, anyway.  Like we think we are better than you.  Older.  Wiser.  Smarter.  Doing it better, and you're just not good enough.


We don't do it on purpose.  We're not trying to make you feel bad. We're not trying to start a mommy war.  We're just looking for common ground, a way to connect.


We're looking for someone to laugh with.  We're looking for someone to share with.  We might even be looking to keep you from making the same mistakes that we did.  But we're not always trying to tell you what to do when we share with you what WE did, we're just sharing our story because you just shared yours.

Sometimes we're just comparing how "they" do things differently now, or maybe even just wanting to share our memories.  Maybe we're just wanting someone to listen.

We're not trying to start a mommy war.  We're just looking to encourage you to hang in there and stay the course, because there's nothing like holding that precious baby in your arms and see it grow into a six year old overnight.

The years pass quickly, and in our sharing of our stories we relieve those special memories one more time.  Suddenly the poop story is funny.  Suddenly those long ago weary nights turn into something even MORE precious when we are standing there with empty arms, longing to rock our babies just one more time.

Yet we forget that you are YOU.  Your personality and interests are different, your child is different, your family dynamics are different.  Your life is different.  Your God given gifts and talents are different.  You are unique.  One of a kind.

We have to let you be you.  We have to let you do it YOUR way.  Because this is your child, not ours.  We had our moment, and this is yours.

You're doing a wonderful job, mom.  We're sorry if we ever made you feel like you weren't.



We're not looking to start a mommy war.  We just want to be a part of your fight, if you'll let us......


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Be sure and come back Monday and link up to the Making Your Home Sing Monday  linky party!


I am linking up to these linky parties today:

Missional Women http://christianmommyblogger.com HappyandBlessedHome.comPlease save image and put it in your post or on your sidebar.

TheBetterMom.comWhat Joy Is MinePhotobucketHappy Wives ClubExceptionalistici should be mopping the floor photo e70fb310-7eb7-4908-bb0e-cac50857a9bb.jpgThe Alabaster JarThe Life Of Faith photo NEWRIButton275x150_zpsf908716b.jpg Teaching What Is Good125 Titus 2 Tuesday Button Growing HomeCourtship Connection  Messy MarriageDucks 'n a RowFamily Home and Lifehttp://www.wildernesswife.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/Wicked-Good-Wednesday-Blog-Hop-Button.jpgWise-Woman-Builds  All Things with Purposekatherines corner PhotobucketMissional Womenhttp://christianmommyblogger.comHappyandBlessedHome.com Please save image and put it in your post or on your sidebar.  Also, We Are That Family and A Bowl Full Of Lemons

26 comments:

  1. This was written so well! I love your advice all wrapped up in love and laughs.

    When my 3rd was a crawling baby, I found her with half a cockroach in her mouth. I was confiding in an older woman and felt like the worst. mom. ever. She said, "That's nothing, my kid drank gasoline." I laughed and instantly felt better with her confession, because in my heart I instantly knew I wasn't the worst mom ever, she was. :) Because she was a woman who would tell the good, the bad and the ugly about parenting, after that, I went to her more often when I needed advice or encouragement.

    mommamindy.wordpress.com

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    1. Oh my, Mindy! Lol! I remember "losing" my son at McDonald's once. I saw him toddle out the door in the dining area but there were so many people that I couldn't get to him fast enough to stop him.

      He walked into the men's bathroom and by the time and just as I was walking in a man was immediately walking out with him.

      I burst into tears and felt like the worse mom ever. He'd been in my sights but just too many people between he and I.

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  2. I keep saying I want to give a parenting class at the library. Not because I'm an expert but because I'm NOT. Every time a child screams for a book because they have to hand it to me to check out and the mom asks, "Can they just hold it while you check it out?", I want to just tell the mom, "No, no, and no, you're not doing him/her a favor." I know because I used to be that mom. You're right though, everyone's different, live and learn, and by golly say your prayers. Great post.

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    1. You are so right. We aren't doing them favors when we allow them to have their own way and not abide by the "rules" when they're out and about.

      I babysit my friend's teenage daughter. She is mentally about two and she has a hard time letting go of items when we're in the store. I tell her I can't buy them if she doesn't let go.

      The clerk will be like "that's o.k." and I say "No, it's not. She needs to learn to be obedient and let go of it so you can scan it."

      Now she can barely slap that thing on the belt fast enough, lol!

      My friend notices a regression in her daughter's abilities when people don't know what she's capable of and so expect less of her, of don't insist that she do the things she's able to do.

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  3. Oh I love this! I have totally been a mom on both ends of this spectrum and you worded it perfectly thank you for sharing! And I will be sharing with my readers on my FB page.

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    1. Oh Misty, thank you, you are so sweet! I am honored, my friend! :)

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  4. Great post! I would love for you to share it at the Mommy MOnday link party at

    http://bestlifemistake.blogspot.com/2013/06/mommy-monday-week-11_23.html

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    1. Thanks for the invite, Amy! I just did! :)

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  5. This is an awesome post! My husband and I were just talking about this with some childless friends last night. Parents aren't usually the best advertisement for those wanting to have children :).

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    1. Hahahaha! So true, lol! We need to make sure we tell the awesome stuff and not just the "horror" stories, lol!

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  6. This is great advice and one I can relate to. With Reagan being two but talking and acting and looking like a four year old I get it. Love the words of wisdom!

    Thank you for linking to Raising Imperfection.
    Please come back Friday to see if you were featured. :)

    ¤´¨)
    ¸.•*´
    (¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo
    Raising-Reagan.com

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  7. Oh the 'just you waits' that we say and hear! You put a fun spin on it and spoke truth with gentleness...this was a good encouragement :-)

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    1. Thank you, my friend! Yup, those words just spill out of our mouths sometimes so fast it'll make our heads spin, lol!

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  8. I know all about this and I can honestly say I am guilty sometimes too. It is so hard to be a parent already, I don't know why we make it harder on each other. Thanks for this post. I needed it this week!

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    1. Oh I love how you said that! It's true, we DO make it harder on each other! Thanks for dropping by, my friend!

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  9. Honestly, it's been so long since I've been in the shoes of the woman who hasn't had kids yet, that it's hard for me to remember how this felt. But I do remember feeling it. And now I face the flip-side, being the older mom who is often among younger moms--trying to mentor and sometimes trying to fit in. That's when the rub comes for me now and I feel like I'm an old heifer that needs to be put out to pasture. :) Satan wants to discourage and divide us at every season of life. I'm so glad you're pointing this out and encouraging moms of all ages and stages, Nan! Great post!

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    1. Oh yes, we must continue to remind ourselves that there is a place for all of us on this mommy journey!

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  10. So glad I found you thru Beth's today. Oh, this post kicked me with some conviction. I've been on both sides of this scenario- such a great reminder to me to listen well and not steal a young mom's joy.

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    1. So glad you stopped by today, Alicia! Thanks for your sweet comment!

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  11. Very cool post. Motherhood. Gotta love it... after 4 kids and 6 grandkids later.... I have to say grandkids are more fun. I guess everyone says that. Come over and link this to What to do Weekends Party. This is a great post. Linda

    http://www.craftsalamode.com/2013/06/what-to-do-weekends-25.html

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    1. Thanks for the invite, Linda! Wow, 6 grandkids? That's awesome!

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  12. How you crazy bless so many ... thanks bunches for splashing around with us at momma notes. Lacing up for the race ... hope you'll join us in cheering other moms on.

    http://www.justsarahdawn.blogspot.com

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  13. This was a great post, and thanks for linking up over at WholeHearted Home.

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