One day I held my fussy baby, looked out the window, sighed and thought "Is this it? Is this my life? Is this all I get in life, Lord? This is it? There must be more to life, Lord."
I felt empty. I felt discouraged. I felt that motherhood was not living up to its expectations.
I felt that I wasn't living up to its expectations.
How could I want anything more than this precious baby that I was holding in my arms? Why did I feel like I was missing out on something? Why did I feel so unfulfilled?
Should I go back to work? Was that it? Would work fulfill me?
At work I'd had a very good job. I received great reviews from my boss, made more money than my husband and although the work was stressful and a challenge, I thrived at it. After my first child was born I longed to be home with him so I quit.
I still wanted to be home. I didn't want to go back to work, I knew that. But I just felt like there had to be more to life than diapers, and wiping noses, and picking up toys and dishes, lots of dishes. Dishes and diapers. The future stretched out before me and I didn't feel confident.
My self-esteem was tied up in my home. If things ran smoothly, I felt good about myself. If things didn't go so well that day I felt bad about myself.
On a good day I felt vibrant and confident and I could take on the world. I was mother, hear me roar. This particular day found me staring out the window, holding my baby and crying silently, feeling like a failure and wondering if this was all I would ever get out of life. Dishes and diapers.
Where was the joy?
Sometimes we forget how important dishes and diapers are. Sometimes we get caught up in the emotion and we forget that life is made of moments like these.
Every moment of life is incredible. We are walking, breathing miracles. We are made for a purpose.
Whatever we do, whether it's working inside or outside the home, whether it's wiping noses, changing diapers, driving to soccer games or checking homework, whatever we do is important. The Lord showed me that, that tearful day. We are investing our lives in our families, and that stands for something.
It stands for a woman who cares. Who is making a difference right where she's at, because she knows that God has placed her there. And if God has placed her there, then she is in the best place that she can be.
So where is the joy? It's in kissing an owie to "make it better." It's in your baby's arms when they reach out for you. It's in your preschooler's tight hugs around the neck and whispers of "I love you, mama."
It's the face of your child, searching for your face in a crowd, just to make sure that you are still there, watching them. It's in the "Wow, mom, I'm TALLER than you now!" and the "Mom, can I borrow the car keys?"
It's in the dishes and the diapers when you know that you are doing them for someone you love.
Dishes and diapers are important. But life isn't about dishes and diapers. Yes, there IS more to life, mom! And you're holding it right now in your arms. You kissed it goodnight last night, and you'll be yelling at it to get up in the morning for school.
When we focus on who we're doing it for, we will find the joy. We do it for them, and we do it for Him.
"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9
Are you there today, my friend? Is motherhood not living up to YOUR expectations? Don't give up. There IS more to life, mom. And it's staring you right in the face.
Let go of the mundane and embrace the incredible. You are a mom. You are amazing!
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