Friday, June 14, 2013

Does Your Husband Look Forward To Coming Home At Night?



Image courtesy of photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net


Have you ever had something that's bothering you and you just wanted to unload it on your husband the minute he comes home from work?

How's that workin' for ya?  How's it working for him?

I remember going away for a weekend once to a women's retreat. When I got home and walked through the door my teenage son looked thrilled to see me. "Mom's home!" he shouted to his dad and brother with a huge smile on his face.  I was so pleased that he was so happy that I was home.  Then he said it:

"What's for dinner, mom?"


I hadn't even put down my suitcase yet!  I said, "Can I at least put down my suitcase and have you give me a hug and kiss first?"

I have stated in the past that I greet my husband at the door, or I try to, to welcome him home every day.  At the very least I will pop my head around the corner and say "Hi Honey!"  I always ask him how his day went.

The reason I do this is because I want him to know that I'm glad he's home.  It also keeps me from unloading on him the minute he comes in the door.  When the kids were little I had a habit of telling him the "highlights" of my day before he even took his coat off.

The thing was, it all came out like verbal vomit and was mostly me complaining. You can imagine how thrilling it would be to be welcomed home like that.

You can imagine he was even more thrilled to have me call him at work, several times a day, and vent about who slammed whose fingers in the door, who poured milk all over the dog, who broke the lamp, who got mad at his brother and.......you get the idea.

Poor hubby.  Trying to concentrate on his job and then I pull his attention away a few times a day with stuff that COULD have waited until he got home.

But of course, the MINUTE he got home I was unloading on him and he hadn't even set his keys down yet.

Welcome home, honey!

I know it would confuse my husband when I called him at work.  He'd sit there and probably think "What can I possibly do about this right now?  I'm at work!?"

I just wanted him to listen.  And listen he did.

But if I'd been listening I would have realized how difficult I was making it for HIM.

Not only breaking his concentration but giving him a problem that he couldn't solve.  That I didn't WANT him to solve and didn't expect him to solve.

Then giving him a great big welcome home with me complaining and unloading on him faster than he could unload his coat and briefcase.

The problem isn't that I wanted to vent.  The problem is that I couldn't WAIT to vent.  I waited for it, I planned it, I rehearsed it all day, and I looked forward to it with anticipation.

The problem isn't that I wanted to vent.  The problem is that my timing was wrong.  I had waited all day and just "couldn't" wait a moment longer, and so hit hubby in the face with it when he walked through the door.  What a homecoming for him to look forward to.

The problem isn't that I wanted to vent.  The problem is that venting was all I wanted to do.  I didn't see it as something I needed to pray about.



If it's important enough to vent about, it's important enough to pray about.

The problem isn't that I wanted to vent.  The problem is that I really didn't care about how my husband's day was.  I only cared about MY day.

I found a definition of vent and one of the definitions said it was "to rise to the surface (of water) to breathe."  Of course, it was talking about marine mammals.

But isn't that what we do when we vent?  We unload all those feelings and emotions and just rise to the surface of our hearts just to breathe?

When you feel the need to vent, what do you do first?  Do you turn to God or do you turn to facebook?  Are you reaching for a friend or are you reaching for God?  Are you picking up your phone or are you picking up your Bible?  I'm afraid that I reach for that phone too many times.

I know that the times when I take it to the Lord FIRST are the times when I am able to calm down and am able to keep things in perspective and be more encouraged and upbeat by the time my hubby comes home than the times where I just spew it at him the minute he walks through the door.  I also know that it's more peaceful for him, too.

Ladies, does your husband look forward to coming home?  Does he come home to a place of rest or a war zone?  Does he come home every day to a smile or tears?


Image courtesy of imagerymajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net


Remember, take it to the Lord BEFORE you take it to your husband.


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26 comments:

  1. Your post caught my eye (probably because my answer was a big fat no!) and I LOVE that you ask how it's working for me! That is probably my husband's favorite line to use at home, at church, in counseling as a Pastor...He is in a major ministry change and I am home with four new additions to our family through fostering and neck-deep in the beginnings of navigating the blog world while finishing up my first bible study book...needless to say we have lots to say to each other and I am thankful for this reminder to let him actually make it fully inside the door and give him my attention before getting to the rundown of my day's discoveries! THANKS!

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    1. Oh how lovely to be fostering children! How blessed you are. We did that for a year. Then my mom moved in and we just ran out of room!

      My husband is a pastor as well. Sounds like you are incredibly busy! If I can help you with any bloggy stuff just email me a question and I'll help if I can! Lovely to meet you, my friend.

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  2. Great post Nan. Guilty. Lol. I used to unload on my husband all the time as soon as he came home and I would even call him at work sometimes too. I try not to do that now but rather wait and see how his day has been first. I too greet my husband at the door each evening. I also walk him to the door each morning. I kind of like him- ;)

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    1. I am so impressed that you walk him to the door each morning. That's so sweet! My hubby is gone to work before I get up in the morning and has been through most of our married life.

      But that's probably good for our marriage because I am not much of a morning person! ;) Although I try my best, haha.

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  3. Thank you for the reminder! Man, am I guilty!

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    1. Oh me, too, my friend! I am better than I was but I still have my moments! ;)

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  4. Been there, done that, way too many times! I try to walk my hubby to the door every morning and be there when he opens it. My husband needs quiet and space right away when he gets home, so on good days I'll have a cold drink by his chair, and I won't pester him with anything for a while. On bad days I forget and start telling him everything I was thinking of during the day. I love the idea of praying about everything I want to tell my husband--give it to God first! What a great idea.

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    1. I love that you walk him to the door and love the cold drink by the chair too!

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  5. Great post! (Found through Splashin' Glory). My husband and I worked out the "don't dump on me when I come in the door thing" awhile ago...I think what I'm guilty of more now is being too busy with making dinner, chasing kids, etc. to give him a WARM greeting. It's good for me to be taking a moment to think about it again.

    www.holdingthedistaff.blogspot.com

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    1. So glad you stopped by! Oh yes, it's hard to give those warm greetings when you have a toddler or two between you, lol! Not impossible, just tricky! ;)

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  6. Ohh I am so guilty of this. I do need to start taking my vents to the Lord before I immediately start venting to my hubby. Particularly when he is having a rough time at work. Thanks for reminding me of this.

    I would love for you to come link up this post at the Tuesday Baby link up.

    http://www.adventureswithcaptaindestructo.com/2013/06/tuesday-baby-link-up-week-35.html

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    1. How fun! Already popped over and linked up. Thanks for the invite!

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  7. Yes! Most definitely. He looks forward to coming home not because of a meal or the home itself but because it is his place of refuge. He knows he will always be welcomed with a smile and a pat on the back for a hard day at work.

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    1. Exactly. The comfort is not the paint color on the wall or the smell of cooking (although it's always nice!) but just knowing that you're home and can just relax and let go!

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  8. This is such an important topic, Nan. I was just talking with a gal this morning about the need to pour out her heart to God and not to her husband. Not that she shouldn't address issues, but it's always best to address them after we've prayed and had God comfort and give us perspective. I wholeheartedly agree with how it is a burden on our spouses that they shouldn't and really "can't" bear. Thanks so much for linking this up over at Wedded Wed. It's incredibly important and something that my husband and I try to be conscious of every day. It makes a huge difference! :)

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    1. When we take it to the Lord first I believe He helps us put things into perspective, comforts us, and also helps us order our thoughts. So that when we DO bring it to our husband's attention, we are able to communicate much better than if we just go off on them.

      At least, it's been MY experience. ;)

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  9. I just wanted to let you know that I added your post to my "Favorite Friday" list today. Every week I pick a few blog posts that I thought were awesome and share the links on my blog.

    http://wifethenmama.blogspot.com/2013/06/strawberry-gleaning.html

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    1. Sorry, I took so long to get back to you, my friend! Thank you SO much for highlighting my post. I am honored! :)

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    2. What is a no reply blogger? My contact form is ridiculous and I just realized that I can't reply back to anyone that uses it.

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    3. So sorry, Rachel. I just now saw this. I am behind in my commenting and emails. I will pop over and leave you a comment on your blog!

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  10. Thanks for really making me think about how I approach the time when my hubby first comes home from work!

    And thanks for linking up at The Tuesday Baby Link Up!

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  11. This is such a great wonderful IMPORTANT thing to remember. Sure wish I would have thought of this those first few years!

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    1. Thank you for your sweet words, Sarah!

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  12. God dealt with me on this as well. We have learned not to bombard him when he walks in the door with problems and questions, but just to walk slowly to him and show him love! :)

    Thanks for linking up with Woman to Woman's Word Filled Wednesday! Join us next Wednesday too!

    Jenifer

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    1. What a precious homecoming your hubby comes home to!

      I know that I don't really like being "hit with something" the minute I walk in the door either. So I think just those few minutes of downtime give our husbands some breathing space.

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