Thursday, May 30, 2013

Mom + Ninja = Minja


 I had just set something down on the entry hall floor and noticed this huge ugly spider.  I mean it was huge. It had really thick legs.  And it was ugly.  Of course, that might be open to interpretation as it's just my humble opinion.  It might have greatly appealed to a female spider.

In case you're wondering, I don't KNOW that it was a male spider or not.  I just assumed.  It wasn't like it was wearing a dress or 5 inch stilettos or anything.

I didn't have the bright lights on but even though it was a little dark I could totally see it, lying on the floor in wait for me.  Waiting to pounce.

I knew I had to do something right then and there.  I knew it was him or me.  I said "Are you looking at me? Are. You. Looking. At. Me???" (o.k., I have no idea what movie that quote came from but somehow I know the quote)

It's hard to leave a spider because you don't know what it's going to do when you're gone. I mean, after all it's not like you want it to stalk you.  What if it's not there when you get back?  Where did it go?  Your pillow?

I am convinced that there is a Spider Intelligence Network (aka SIN, no pun intended) and that everything we do is watched and noted by them.  They don't miss a thing.

So I slowly crept away to get a paper cup.  I figured I'd trap the thing until my hubby or one of the boys got home.

I grabbed the cup and crept stealthily back to the spider.  I moved really slow because I didn't want to announce my arrival by casting a shadow on it.  I didn't want it to see me coming.  

I held my breath as I slowly put the cup over it.  It didn't even move as I trapped it in its paper jail.  I hoped it didn't have a shredder or scissors on it.

Then I thought that maybe it might have been working out in some spider gym.  Who knows, maybe it's been lifting lizards or bees or frogs or something.  Maybe it has a six pack.  Or rather, a one pack.  

I didn't want it making a desperate break for freedom out of there so I put something on top of the cup.  


And I took this picture for you.  You're welcome.  Sometimes I amaze even myself.

My sweet hubby barely got in the door when I was telling him all about the huge ugly spider that I had trapped under a paper cup. I was telling him it was huge and had thick legs and I wanted him to get rid of it NOW!!!!

Hubby burst out laughing and promptly told me that I had "trapped" a fake spider. I didn't believe him.  He had no idea what he was talking about, right?


So hubby removes the cup and reaches down to pick up the monstrous spider.  I back up about five feet and go into a crouch.  Hands up and eager to defend.  I am ready for anything.  

I am a ninja.  But I'm a mom so maybe I'm a minja.


As his hand moves closer to the spider I am telling him "No, don't touch it!  Don't touch it!  It's real!"

And that's when my whole story began to fall apart.  From several feet away I notice the spider is not reacting.  It's not moving.  Could it be dead?

I creep a couple of feet closer.  It sits in the palm of my husband's hand.  Not moving.  Is it true?  Is it really a fake?  I creep closer to it, with one foot placed desperately behind me, ready to make a run for it should the need arise. My husband waits patiently for me to get closer.  His hand is shaking with laughter.


I see this.



Sure enough, I managed to protect myself from a plastic spider and all that planning and slow maneuvering so it wouldn't "see" me and run away before I trapped it was wasted. Spider fail. 

Apparently earlier in the day my hubby had brought something in from the garage and the fake spider fell onto the floor.  He just left it there as he was in a hurry to get out the door.

The really ridiculous thing is that later I asked my husband to go get the spider so that I could take a picture for this blog post.  Then I promptly forgot about it.

Awhile later my husband comes up to me with the plastic spider in his hand and innocently says "Here, you wanted this."

Naturally I had forgotten and had no idea what he was talking about.  So when I turned and saw the spider in his outstretched palm I again freaked and jumped a couple of feet in the air while he had a good laugh.  

That spider had better be in the garbage tonight if hubby knows what's good for him.....


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18 comments:

  1. Great post, you never fail to bring a smile (and a giggle) to my day. Thanks for starting my day off right.

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    1. Awww, thanks, Sylvia! Glad you enjoyed it!

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  2. LOL-you need to rent the movie Arachniphobia with Jeff Daniels and John Goodman. I think Robert Deniro uttered the Are you...line from some flick.

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    1. Oh my, I think that movie would just freak me out, lol!

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  3. Aw... you poor, dear lady... although I think I would have acted the same way. Spiders are just wrong. Spiders and snakes *shudders.* Anyway, thanks for the laugh, sweet friend.

    Love and hugs!

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    1. I just want to KNOW if there's a spider around. I don't like surprises, lol!

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  4. Do you think when your husband arrives home each night he has to mentally prepare for whatever you're doing? Like picking food out of the garbage can because you forgot to photograph it, or throwing popcorn back on the floor because you forgot to photograph it, or trapping a fake spider under a Victorian centerpiece? Your husband needs to blog about being married to you. Then we could hear both sides of the story for a double laugh.

    mommamindy.wordpress.com

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    1. Mindy, he probably does. I'll have to ask him, lol! Let's just say that being married to me is a lot like being married to "Lucy," lol! Except he doesn't play the bongo drums and doesn't have an accent. But he does sing! ;)

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  5. Ha! Ha! It is funny how our brains work (or not work) allowing us to be fooled TWICE! Good story, Nan.

    ♥Hope

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    1. Hope! I've missed you! How are you? Are you back blogging again?

      Yes, even my hubby was surprised that I jumped again. He said "But you *asked* me to bring it to you" and I said "But I forgot!" Lol~

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  6. Yeah Mindy . . . maybe Nan's hubby needs to do a sneaky guest post!! Sounds like a great idea!! Nan, I'll be watching and waiting for the release into my inbox of your guest poster!!

    You have me laughing in the middle of the night!!

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    1. Lol, Judy! I doubt if he'd want to do it but wouldn't it be fun?! ;)

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  7. HAHAHA That was good!! My boys have some of those spiders and once it was in the bottom of the tub! I freaked and then realized it was fake. Thanks for sharing. :-)

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    1. Oh man, I would just die if it was in the tub WITH me, haha! ;)

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  8. you are super minja! Can you come over and get rid of the huge snake that has taken up residence under our vegetable garden? Thank you for linking your post to the Thursday Favorite Things hop xo

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    1. Whoa...... O.o

      I don't mind snakes as long as they aren't dangerous AND as long as I know they're there. But no surprises, lol!

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  9. I just started following your blog... thanks! It's been a blessing to this lazy mom ;)

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    1. So glad to meet you, Allison! I hope you're enjoying the "Lazy Mom" series too! ;)

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