Sunday, April 14, 2013

What Are YOU Blaming Your Kids For Today? & MYHSM Linky Party

Welcome to the Making Your Home Sing Monday linky party! Every day you are doing something to make your house into a home for yourself and your family (if you have one). 

My point with each Monday post is, what are YOU doing or going to do today to make your home sing? It can be an attitude or an action. So have fun, do some blog hopping and if you want, link up!

Topics can include marriage, parenting, encouraging women, organization, cleaning, saving money, our behavior and attitudes, homemaking, homeschooling, recipes....the opportunities are endless.

Today a woman shared a story abut a gal telling her that "I know I need to be in church but it's just too hard because I have a child now."  This gal told that story to a gal who has TWO children.

Another mom, upon hearing the story commented "My daughter can't come to church anymore either because, you know, she has three kids now and it's just too hard to get out of the house with three kids."

However, her same daughter manages to get out of the house five days a week in order to get to work on time and also managed to get the kids to Disneyland every morning when it opened while on vacation.

Have you ever heard a mom say "I can't keep a clean house because I have kids" or "I can't talk on the phone anymore because I have kids" or "I weigh twenty pounds more than I did before the kids were born and it's just impossible to lose it because I had a kid?"

Have you ever said it?  I have!

After my youngest was born I lost all but ten pounds and I just "couldn't" lose the rest of the weight, so it was his fault, right?  It couldn't possibly be my lack of discipline, lack of exercise, lack of desire and lack of a proper diet.

Surely all those french fries, chocolate donuts, m&m's and pepsi's couldn't be to blame, could they?  Your body changes after having children, right?  So you can't expect to ever be able to lose weight again, so bring on the chocolate!

We can't keep the house clean because the minute we clean it they tear it up again, and so it's their fault, right?  It couldn't possibly be the fact that we never cleaned it because we spent more time playing on the computer or watching t.v. than we should have, right?

Or constantly gone outside the home so that we are rarely home, never trained them how to clean, never made them clean or pick up after themselves, never had chores or rules or responsibilities, right?

We can't talk on the phone because we are too busy to train our children how to behave when we are on the phone, or we can't let the answering machine answer it for us and we can't try returning your calls when the children are asleep or in bed, can we?

How many things are we blaming our children for that isn't really their fault, but instead is a lack of discipline or forethought on our part?

If we don't want a clean house because we'd rather spend our time playing on the computer then fine, that's our choice, but don't blame the kids.

If we don't want to lose those last ten pounds because it involves work that we're not willing to do then fine, but don't blame the kids.

If we can't get to places on time because it involves getting up a half hour or hour earlier than normal and we're not willing to go to bed early enough to accomplish that, then fine, but don't blame the kids.

No wonder some people have a lousy idea of motherhood.  They see motherhood as something that ruins your body, ruins your marriage, ruins your home, ruins your fun, ruins your brain cells, ruins your job, and ruins your ability to make and keep a commitment.

What are we saying about parenting if we say that, because of children, we are no longer able to attend church and fellowship with other believers?

If, because of children, we will no longer get to your house on time EVER and so we will make you sit and wait, because our time is more valuable than yours.  So we won't even make the effort to be on time, because we know that YOU know that we have kids, and so we will always be late both now and forever.  Oh, and we'll yell at the kids all the way to your house because it's THEIR fault, right?

If, because of children, we can't figure out how to find time to get dressed that day and make ourselves attractive not only for our husbands but for ourselves, so we wear our pajamas or yoga pants and raggedy  old t-shirt all day, every day.

If, because of children, we can't put two brain cells together to figure out that we can no longer leave the house the same time we did as before we had kids, because now we have to get little ones into clothes, coats and car seats.

If, because of children, we can't manage to get the laundry started or dinner on the table and yet we managed to spend a grand total of two hours on the internet today on facebook or playing games.

When I was training my children how to behave during phone calls, I used to call a patient friend or my mom and beg them to call me on the phone, with the understanding that most of the phone call would be me training my children what to do and how to behave while I was on the phone.

There are things that we can do in order to identify and solve the problem, but first we have to stop blaming the kids.

Sitting around complaining and blaming everyone and everything for our problems never helps us find any solutions.

We need to name the problem (without blame) and then prayerfully nix (stop) the complaining and move forward towards a solution to fix it!

Don't name it and blame it, instead nix it and fix it!
This is not to say that parenting is easy and all we have to do is "decide" to fix it and we will fix it.  Parenting is wonderfully exhausting, but if we don't have a plan and a purpose we will get lost in the details.  If we don't work on the little things that are frustrating us, and blame the kids instead, these things will continue to frustrate us and can rob us of the joy of parenting!

Don't feel bad for the things you cannot change, just work on changing the things that you can.

Now I do think that we need to allow some flexibility whenever a new baby enters the family or a new job, grief, illness or any kind of new situation that requires a learning curve.  But does that learning curve have to be ten years long until that new baby is ten years old???

Sometimes life happens and we have legitimate excuses, but sometimes it's not life, it's US and we are just making excuses, and we know it and just don't care.

What about you today?  What are YOU blaming the kids for?  Do YOU care?  Figure out what it is, figure out if you need to make a change, make plans how you're going to do it and make your home sing today!

What are you doing or going to do today to make your home sing? Please go here for instructions and/or ideas and come back here to link up to join us today! Please do not put your own "Making Your Home Sing Monday" Linky on your blog. As always, please don't forget to link to this post so that others can join the fun!

If you don't want to miss any blog posts, you can follow me or subscribe in your reader or by email.  You   can also find me here on  facebook as well!  I'd love to connect with you! 

I am linking up to these linky parties:

The Life Of FaithTheBetterMom.comWhat Joy Is MinePhotobucketHappy Wives ClubExceptionalisticCovered in GraceRaising Imperfection The Alabaster JarCourtship ConnectionWise-Woman-Builds Missional WomenPhotobucketExceptionalistic
All Things with Purposekatherines corner


  1. My daughter had 4 children lined up in her seat for the 9:00 service. Plus overnight guests to plan breakfast and lunch for. I think it's usually what we WANT to do. I need to remember this when I start making excuses. My husband and I will be at a convention this week so my home will have to sing by itself! The candles are packed, goblets in the basket ready to each time he has a short break or a friend stops by the motel room with sing.

    1. Good for your daughter! ;) It IS hard but we can do it if we just allow more time, right?

      I hope you and your hubby have a lovely time! I love the candles idea! :)

  2. Your posts always make me think and inspire me to be a better wife and mom. Seriously. Always!! Thank you. Hope you have a great week!! <3

    1. Oh you are so sweet, my friend. That is my prayer when I post them, that they might bless someone.

      You have a great week too and looking forward to reading what you've posted! :)

  3. Thank-you for the inspiration! The blame game is easy to play in all areas of life, isn't it? always comes back and steps on my toes and reminds me that I AM SELFISH and I want to make myself feel better, so if I can make it someone else's fault, then I at least feel a little better and maybe I can avoid facing my own faults.

    I'm happy I found your blog and link-up! I enjoy reading your posts.

    1. Oh I am selfish too! It's much easier to ignore the things I need to do in order to do fun things, isn't it?

      Yes, it's humbling when we own up to the blame game. But it's also how we grow and it's a great example for our family, isn't it?

      I'm happy you found me too! ;)

  4. I wish I would've read this post about 20 years ago. I believe, like you, that we all make time for the things we WANT to. Wonderful post, as always. ♥

    1. I am always finding posts and wondering where that person was 20 years ago when I needed them, lol!

      But I find that I can still play the blame game now sometimes, lol! I may not blame the kids but I can blame my friends for distracting me and enticing me when all I had to do was say "no" and stay home, lol! ;)

  5. A wonderful and thought-provoking post, Nan! It made me look at myself and see that I make excuses way too often! Thanks for sharing.


    1. Me too, my friend! We're all in this together to spur one another on in our walk with the Lord!

  6. I know every mother blames their kids for one thing or another. But you are right, it's absolutely not their fault and we shouldn't blame them.
    Loved this post!

    Thank you for linking to Raising Imperfection.
    Please come back Friday to see if you were featured. :)

    (¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo

  7. When we were raising our six kids, most parents opted to always leave the Sunday service the moment their child made a noise and play in the hallway the rest of the time, rather than train them how to sit still. I NEEDED to hear the sermon, so I had to learn how to train them to sit still. Even when I had six kids and my husband traveled for business, I still didn't skip. I NEEDED the fellowship and the teaching. My kids also NEEDED to be there.
    I was driven by a passion to do what was hard because it was best for our spiritual welfare.

    I also taught them all how to cook, clean, shop, sew, keep house and be hospitable. I wanted to send them into the world as useful, productive Christians that could live on any salary they had. My prayer is that someday all my kids will see my spiritual passion to raise them this way as a blessing in their hearts instead of a "we always HAD to..."

    1. I loved what you said here: "I was driven by a passion to do what was hard because it was best for our spiritual welfare."

      I understand why the parents took the children out to play in the hall, so that they don't disturb others, but unfortunately you're only training them to play out in the hall.

      I pray that my kids stay frugal, lol!

  8. Methinks thou art a prophet! Nan, I know your husband's the pastor, but I think you're the preacher :) You have spoken truth and godly principles, and if we fail to hear the alarm sounding, then we'll blame the kids. . . Just kidding!

    I know the younger moms at your church are blessed by your wisdom, and through the wonder of the internet, the rest of us are too. Thanks for shooting straight and not sugar coating. I'd much rather have a kick in the pants from a friend and grow, than a pat on the head from someone who won't help me grow. :) Blessings from Hungry for God: Starving for Time today!

    1. Thanks so much for your sweet encouraging words, my friend.

      I almost deleted this post right after I published it, because I wanted it to be more encouraging but didn't have the time or energy to rewrite it, lol! So I just let it be.

      Love your comment that we'll just blame the kids, lol! Hmmmm.....wonder where my chocolate is today, I'll bet the kids took it, lol! ;)

  9. You're so right, we do what we really want to do,and find something (or someone) to blame for the rest--and our kids are the easiest target!

    1. Yup, it's easy to do. Fortunately we can recognize when we're doing it (hopefully) and change!

  10. That was great, thanks! And thanks for hosting.

  11. I read this earlier in the day but didn't have one single hand free to type a comment, LOL!! So, here I am back like a bad penny to tell you how much you made my day with such a great post. You give us meat to chew on as we go through our day trying to make our home sing. Thank you for your thoughtful posts as well as your funny ones.

    1. Those babies still keep you busy, huh? ;)

      Thank you for your sweet comments, my friend! I know the twins are keeping you busy and I appreciate you stopping by and linking up! :)

  12. I won't be linking up for awhile. I have a brain tumor. I had one 9 years ago and it grew back. I will have surgery on Monday but hopefully, I will be back soon, Lord willing!

    1. Lori I left a comment on your blog. Praying for you, my friend!

  13. Thanks for that. My kids are in their mid-late teens and yes, sometimes it can be easier to ignore the issues and blame them (ever so subtly of course!) for the consequences. We need to continue to be diligent - regardless of the ages of our kids.

    1. So true. It's funny how we can be so diligent when our kids are little but start to ease up when they're older, thus causing some of the same problems, lol!

  14. I am reading the book by Tripp titled, Age of Opportunity. I am finding that most of my problems are me. My idol of respect and comfort. Thanks for yet another reminder it isn't all about ME!

    1. I have never heard of that book, is that Ted Tripp? I'll have to look into it. Thanks for sharing it.

  15. I absolutely know the blame for lateness and some of their behaviors is my own fault, but there are still times I slip and say these things!


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