Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Things I'm Sure My GPS Wants To Say To Me



I do not like Geography.  I am not good at it.

I haven't played Pictionary in ages.  But whenever I had to draw a state or a country I would just draw something that resembled a map and then just wait.

My partner would then just have to sit there and name ever state or country that he/she knew.  I have trouble with north and south and up and down.

Not down as in gravity down but city or state down.  I would say "We're driving up to California" when it's really DOWN to California.

Recently my son drove over to see his fiance.  She lives a couple of hours away from us.  I said to my husband "Is he going up or down?  Is that north or south of us?"

My hubby stopped what he was doing, looked at me like I might be joking and I said "Seriously, have you MET me???????"

I  hate directions that say "When you exit the freeway, head north."

Left!!!!  Just tell me left!!!!!  Or right!  Right!  None of this north or south stuff, east or west.

Now I know north, south, east and west based on my house and general area.  But when I get away from my house, look out.

We have a GPS "thingy" but I don't really like it much.  I find myself focusing on the little picture so hard and desperately trying to follow it and head in the right direction that I almost always miss the actual turn.  So what good is it?

Frankly, I am afraid of it, and it knows it.  I prefer a paper with directions on it and the GPS for backup and as a little company on the drive so I don't feel lonely.  But I know that it bad mouths me in its little head.

Things I'm sure my GPS wants to say to me:

  • Stop!!!!!
  • What are you doing????  
  • Aren't you listening to me?  
  • I just TOLD you to turn here, so turn HERE!
  • Stop eating and pay more attention to your driving.
  • Your face is going to freeze in that position. 
  • Wait......where are you going?????
  • I told you so.
  • There's a cop behind you.  Psyche!  Just kidding!!!
  • The light is green. If it gets any greener it's going to get sick.
  • The sign says "Stop."  It doesn't say "Give up and die."
  • The light is now green.  Are you waiting for a personal engraved invitation?"
  • Boy, I just can't take you anywhere.
  • Are you SURE you know what you're doing?
  • Wow, I can't believe they really gave you a driver's license.
  • Just keep 'em guessing.....that's what I always say.
  • What part of STOP don't you understand?
  • Stop does not mean in the name of love.
  • You may be human but I am a machine and someday I am going to rule the world.

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16 comments:

  1. Another thing we have in common! I grew up in Helena and my whole life I thought the mountain side was north, because, hey, it was higher. As an adult when I found out the north side of town was the valley side, I knew I was hopelessly geographically crippled. But, it scarred me for life!

    I'm even more amazed we were able to meet that time, instead of you ending up in California and me ending up in Canada!

    http://mommamindy.wordpress.com/

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    1. Yeah well don't hold your breath, we might get lost the second time, lol!

      When we moved over to western WA my parents were always talking about going "east of the mountains" to visit family, so I knew that we were in the western part, lol!

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  2. I am so making my husband read this. He'll be aghast there's more than one of me in the world.

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    1. Bwahahahaha! Hmmmmmm, maybe I should make MY husband read your comment, lol! But....does your husband ASK for directions??????? ;)

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  3. I'm glad I'm not the only one that wants a simple left or right and not north, south, east or west :)

    Hugs to you,
    Stephanie

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    1. Stephanie, maybe you and I should rule the world and make life easier for everyone, lol!

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  4. Have you ever talked back to your GPS? I do, especially if I know some of the way I want to go and it tells me a different direction, I tell it "NO, I don't want to go that way". I love to hear it say "recalculate,recalculate"

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    1. Hahahaha! Oh yes, I talk back to my t.v. to the point where my husband says "You KNOW that they can't hear you, right?"

      So you know I talk back to my GPS. In fact sometimes I confuse it on purpose, lol!

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  5. Oh. My. Word. This post. Reminds me of me so much, it's actually a little creepy. I ALWAYS say "We're going down to....(wherever)." No matter which direction we're heading, it's down. My Hubs says I just think "It's all downhill from here."

    I have called said Husband MULTIPLE times from the road because I am so totally turned around, and I can't find the highway, and I need him to google maps me directions. Then his parents got him a GPS for Christmas one year, and he was sad, because it was really for me. (But then again, now he doesn't have to handle hysterical phone calls anymore...okay, he does. But not because I'm lost.)

    I am in love with the GPS. I am co-dependent on my GPS.

    Also, I feel the need to tell you about the time I got lost going to Target.

    Target was one mile from my home, at the time.

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    1. Yes, please tell me how you got lost going to Target. I beg you! Lol!

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  6. Hahaha! This post made me laugh. This is sooo me! I have lived in my town for 2 years and I just recently asked a neighbor kid how to get to the Elementary school! Granted, my kid isn't in Elementary school yet, but still...pathetic. And I have often thought about what my GPS would rather say to me. We should create a phone app with a much cooler GPS that says things like, "hello? Are you even listening to me? You are totally lost. I give up on you." or "Make a stinkin' U-turn right this instant little lady!"

    -Tina @ mothersniche.com

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    1. I can totally relate. My kids were homeschooled and so I had no idea where some of the schools were, in fact I still don't know where some of them are, lol!

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  7. And I'm serious about the app by the way...I think we'd make it big...I'd pay for an app like that. Nothing like a little comic relief during frustrating moments of directional mishap

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    1. Oh I agree. I was talking with my husband once and said that I wished the GPS was more fun with its comments like "Don't you talk to me in that tone on voice, sister!" and stuff like that, lol!

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  8. Recalculate. Recalculate. Recalculate. I have no problem with north and south, east and west. It is left and right that I don't get!!! I tell my husband go that way and point if for some ODD reason I know the way. I drive him crazy!! The GPS is JUST starting to make sense to me. Those stupid roads running all over the place and moving too just never look like the road I am driving on. Last Friday I had to drive 10 hours...well I couldn't find the address my husband had programed into the GPS. He told me it was there and asked "What would I give him when he found it" well, "he owes ME!!" because it wouldn't show up and download though it was there....haha!!

    Maybe I should send him this post too...although he would just write all of us ladies off, LOL...and we love them so, don't we :-)

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    1. I used to tell my husband which direction to go when we were lost, and sometimes he'd actually follow my directions and we'd get even more lost (if that's possible).

      Each time I'd ask him "Why did you believe me when you know I don't know where I'm going?" and he'd be like "You seemed so sincere that this time I believed you" or something like that.

      I once did a whole blog post about it, lol!

      Delete

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