Sunday, April 28, 2013

10 Things To Try Before You Lose Your Temper With Your Child


Making your home sing Mondays


Welcome to the Making Your Home Sing Monday linky party! Every day you are doing something to make your house into a home for yourself and your family (if you have one). 

My point with each Monday post is, what are YOU doing or going to do today to make your home sing? It can be an attitude or an action. So have fun, do some blog hopping and if you want, link up!

Topics can include marriage, parenting, encouraging women, organization, cleaning, saving money, our behavior and attitudes, homemaking, homeschooling, recipes....the opportunities are endless.


Do you ever find yourself losing your temper with your children? Have you ever just had one of "those" days, and you wished that you could be calmer when you have to discipline or correct them?

Have you ever thought about what you must look like when you're mad? Have you ever thought about what you must look like to your child? Do you know what I'm talking about when I say "mad mom" face?  Yup, that's where the guilt comes in, because you HAVE thought of it, right?  And you've felt bad!  So have I!

A tired mommy is one who has answered the same question over and over, who has chased a fleeing toddler through the store, said "No" to the same question fifteen times in a row, watched her child throw a fit at the mall for an audience of hundreds, changed a major diaper blowout only to have to change another one in less than ten minutes......

You get the idea. As the day goes on and the kids are only getting started, mommy is starting to wear down. Sometimes, she may even find herself overreacting to something that is, indeed, a very minor situation. Sometimes, she just wants to cry.

She loves her kids. She knows she does. She loves being a mom. But sometimes, she feels really guilty and wonders if she's "good" enough. She looks at all the other moms and wonders how they make it look so "easy." She feels awful if and when she loses her patience. Sometimes she feels like a failure.


Moms, here are TEN things to try the next time you're about to lose your temper with your child:

1. Turn off the tape recorder in your head. The one that keeps playing the same old negative words that you've said to yourself many times before:

"You're a failure.  You don't deserve to be a mom.  If you really loved your child you wouldn't have lost your temper last time.  You should feel awful for wanting him to take a nap so that you can too......."  and so on.

Stop the bad talk and stop comparing yourself to that "perfect" mom that you think you should be.

2. The next time you feel yourself losing your temper, go off into another room and pray. I can't tell you the number of times I had to go into the bathroom (the only place I could be alone) and just pray that the Lord would help me to calm down and not be so frustrated, and praying that He would guard my words so that I could speak with my child calmly. Then, remember that you aren't alone and you don't have to do it all on your own.

3. Don't take their behavior personally; keep it in perspective, and don't cry.  You've already prayed, now take a few deep breaths.  Think of a police officer.  They don't cry when they give you a ticket, do they?  They don't take it all personally and get their feelings hurt and sob hysterically and say "Where did I go wrong? I must be a lousy police officer," do they? They just told you what you did wrong and handed out the consequence. Then they told you to have a nice day.  When you are handing out consequences, remember the police officer!

4. Allow yourself some time to calm down, if necessary, before you speak with them.  Part of our job as parents is to train our children.  You signed up for this, remember?  So did I.  We just didn't know that it might involve scrubbing marker off the walls or trying to unclog a toilet that has been clogged by a sock or putting a child back in bed for the 432nd time that night.

Just take a few deep breaths, say a prayer, and perhaps remove yourself from the situation to calm yourself down, if needed.  Then when you've calmed down, return and speak with your child.  Think about it from their perspective.

If you have a boss, would you rather have your boss correct you calmly or by yelling? I'll bet your child would choose a calm voice.  I know I would!  Remember, this season of life will pass and believe me, you WILL miss it someday.  Well, maybe not all of it......  ;)

5. Lower yourself to their physical level. It's very easy to be annoyed and frustrated when you are the one towering over them. It's easy to feel your temper build when you are in the position of authority.

6. Try kneeling in front of them, placing yourself at or near their eye level. Try sitting next to them on the couch. With a small child, try kneeling so that you are looking up at them and they are looking down at you the next time you need to give them a verbal correction.

Putting yourself in a "humble" position may be all you need to be able to speak in a calm voice. It may be all you need to be able to respond to the situation without losing your patience or your temper. It may be all you need to remind yourself that, sometimes, what you communicate isn't as important as how you communicate.

7. Let them know you love them. A situation, while important, is not as important as our childrens' hearts.  We want them to know that we may not have liked their behavior, but we DO love them.  We don't ever want our children to fear that they will lose our love by their misbehavior.  We want them to be secure and trust our love and know that while we may have to correct them from time to time, we will do it in love.

8. Give them a hug and don't withhold forgiveness.  Don't be afraid to hug your child at the end of a correction or discipline.  Don't be afraid that a hug will confuse them or make them think that "what they did was o.k."  A hug reassures them of your love for them, and a hug will go a long way to calming YOU down, mommy.  Sometimes we might feel like we don't want to hug because we still "feel" angry.  But you have dealt with the situation, given a consequence and now it's time to forgive and move on.

9.  Don't be afraid to say "I'm sorry" when you need to.  Your child will not look down on you for it.  By doing so you are obeying the Lord, will set an example for your child, ease those guilt feelings on your part and hurt feelings on your child's part and restore your relationship.  Children are very forgiving and that will help heal your mommy heart!

10. Go to bed at a decent hour. Don't stay up late reading blogs (even THIS one, lol!), or playing on pinterest or facebook.  A tired mommy can be a cranky mommy, and a cranky mommy is more apt to lose her temper.

Just remember that you can trust the Lord to help you when you feel close to losing your temper.  Trust and lean into Him and make your home sing!

What are you doing or going to do today to make your home sing? Please go here for instructions and/or ideas and come back here to link up to join us today! Please do not put your own "Making Your Home Sing Monday" Linky on your blog. As always, please don't forget to link to this post so that others can join the fun!

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30 comments:

  1. All of these are wonderful tips! Even though I'm not a mom, I have learned something with the kids I watch and that is this. Do not tell them more than once, (2x under a certain age) if they do not listen, I promptly hand out their punishment and tell them why they are sitting/standing etc. This keeps me from becoming frustrated after asking them to do the same thing over and over.

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    1. Yes, when they are little they need that extra repetition because it takes a bit longer for their little brains to kick in and say "Oh, I'm supposed to be obeying!" Lol!

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  2. Terrific tips! Love this post and sharing to FB in the morning. Thanks for the link-up, Nan.

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    1. Oh how lovely! I would be honored, thank you for sharing!

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  3. Some great information. It is difficult sometimes to not lose your temper. I'll keep this list in my head!

    Thank you for linking to Raising Imperfection.
    Please come back Friday to see if you were featured. :)

    ¤´¨)
    ¸.•*´
    (¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo
    www.raising-reagan.com

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    1. Thank you for hosting once again, Lanaya!

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  4. It is God's perfect timing that I read this post today. I have been struggling with anger with my little ones. These tips are great especially acting like a police officer and getting down on their physical level. I think the hardest part for me is taking everything so personally and getting so emotional when my kids disobey. Instead, I need to take out the emotion. Act like a cop. Love that! I hope to link to this post in an upcoming post of my own if that's okay. Also sharing on FB & Twitter.

    Blessings to you,
    Keri

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    1. I would be honored to have you share it! Thank you!

      Yes, it's hard to take the emotion out of it and hard not to take their disobedience personally.

      I used to struggle with anger too, when they were little. We always need to stop and ask ourselves if their disobedience is out of rebellion or childish irresponsibility.

      So many times it IS out of childish irresponsibility and while we do need to encourage them to be obedient, and give consequences if they're not, it does help our hearts to know that so we don't take it personally.

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  5. Wanted to return and thank you for the link party. But more than that for taking the time to visit my blog and leave a comment that gave me a chuckle!

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    1. Well I just appreciate YOU for linking up today so thank YOU!

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  6. I couldn´t write this post because I probably fail in every point! Oh my, or I could have written this because it is everything I need! Man! did you come to my house?

    Thanks, Nan!

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    1. Hahahaha, nope! I just remember living in my own house and the times when I struggled with my temper when the kids were growing up, lol! ;)

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  7. Thank you so much for sharing this! This is really very helpful to me and I've been trying to find effective ways to cage the rage. For me, I find #4 really effective. Before saying anything, take a deep breath a couple of times. It helps a lot! It help you to stay calm and prevents you from shouting at your kids.

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    1. Yes, it does. You can't yell at your kids when you're taking in deep breaths, lol!

      It's amazing how much easier it is to control our tempers when we've allowed ourselves time to calm down first! Sometimes all that's needed is a couple of seconds of deep breathing, and many quick prayers! ;)

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  8. I think what grieves me the most is that I could have had two weeks of great mommy behavior, lose it one time for a few minutes, and that is all my kids remember.

    Another thing that helped me when my kids were young was having another mommy I could call for a few minutes to talk with. Sometimes having another mom look into your world for a moment and provide some accountability helps you see more clearly how to handle a situation.

    mommamindy.wordpress.com

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    1. Actually I think it's all that WE remember, lol! Fortunately kids are pretty resilient and forgiving but, as you said, we don't want to continue down that path because we don't want them to have only memories of an angry mommy.

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  9. Oh, I've got some moms who would love this post! And should my egg (aka the Ninja Warrior) ever decide to cooperate in the baby making process, I may need this, as well :).

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    1. Oh I hope they DO cooperate!!! I love that Ninja Warrior nickname, lol! Mine didn't cooperate for years and years and years but they finally came around, lol! ;)

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  10. Such great tips! Thank you for sharing:)

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  11. What good tips! I love that you're so honest about what its like to be a mom.

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    1. Thank you! It's not always easy but the benefits are amazing! ;)

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  12. These are great suggestions, Nan. I'm new to your place and it looks exciting and helpful around here! I also think your points are not just helpful to parents dealing with children but for all of us needing to extend forgiveness in trying times. Thanks for sharing and for coming by and linking up, my new friend!

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    1. I'm glad you stopped by! Also, thank YOU for hosting your party and letting me link up there!

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  13. Great list, I find I have to walk away sometimes.

    Thank you for linking up to Raising Imperfection!
    Make sure to check back on Friday to see if you were featured.
    Leslie
    www.violetimperfection.com

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  14. Numbers 3 and 4 resonate with me definitely and the one about asking for forgiveness. I thought I'd never ask a child of mine for forgiveness, my parents didn't do and I love them, they me and I turned out alright. But, to the contrary, I find myself asking forgiveness and explaining things to them from an "unperfect" position often. They do get consequences for misbehaving but I now believe and know that asking your child for forgiveness doesn't relinquish your authority as the parent, it solidifies it when you're using the right amount of discipline and explaining and loving through it all. Great post that you've put together! And thanks for hosting the link up.

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    1. I love how you said that it "solidifies" our parental authority, because it does.

      It isn't ever easy to humble yourself to apologize to anyone, and that can include our children. Yet children are so loving in their forgiveness! :)

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  15. These are excellent tips for parenting. :-) I'm going to pin this post. I have used a number of these at different times and it's always refreshing to read a great reminder. :-) Thanks so much for sharing and for hosting. :-)

    http://www.artistic31mama.com

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  16. You cannot imagine how much I needed to read this - this week... and today in particular. Thank you as always for your encouraging and guiding posts.

    Thanks for linking up at One Organic Mama! Hope to see you back on Thursday morning!

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