So I was going to post something brilliant. Something amazing. Something that was surely going to make you cry and touch your heart and make you beg me to let you pin it, tweet it or facebook it to everyone you know.
O.k., not really, so don't get excited.
But I WAS going to post something. I had no idea what as I hadn't written it yet. Then my son came home, and then my hubby and my other son came home and suddenly we found ourselves watching t.v. together and there went my post.
And talking. Talking enough that we had to stop the t.v. on occasion so that we could converse.
When did this happen? When did my boys get big enough to have an opinion? When did they develop a sense of humor? When did they get old enough to stay up past their bedtime? When did they get old enough to drive?
Where did the time go? Wasn't I just changing diapers yesterday? Wasn't I just struggling earlier to get clothes on a wiggly little body, or trying to help because I was in a hurry only to hear "Mommy, ME do it. Me do it!"
I know you're sick of hearing "Enjoy it. They grow up so fast." I know it because I was sick of hearing it. I was also not enjoying a screaming toddler tantrum, putting a wayward preschooler back in bed for the 15th time, or repeating myself for the 2,500 time that day. It seems like it's going to go on forever.
But when you are on the other side of forever, it seems like such a short span of time. The long sleepless nights become a memory. Toddler temper tantrums become a great story that you can tell around the dinner table at holidays and get a laugh.
Some of the things you remember are the things that might have seemed hard or tiring then. Rocking a baby to sleep when you can barely stay awake yourself. Changing the sheets in the middle of the night after someone got sick or wet the bed.
Taking care of a sick child when YOU are sick yourself. Endless drinks of water. Endless questions. Repetitious answers. Interruptions in the middle of the night, seemingly every night. Putting your child back in bed and saying "And this time, STAY there!"
I won't say that I wish that I could do it all over again and that I would give anything to be back in those days because I refuse to live my life like that. I refuse to live in the past.
I refuse to waste the precious moments we are living now by wishing for then. If I sit here and wish that my boys were little again and mourn and grieve every day that they've grown up I will miss the time with them that I have now.
If I allow my heart to live in the past there won't be room in my heart for the future.
Would I love to live some of those moments over again? Sure I would. But my boys are so precious to me now that I would have to give up who they are NOW in order to enjoy who they were then. And I'm not willing to do that.
So I will indulge my nostalgia with dvds and pictures and papers from their childhood from time to time. I will enjoy it without letting it become a regret that that time is lost to me forever. Because it's not REALLY lost to me, because I have my memories. I can't live it over again, but I can remember it again.
I will continue to build my marriage with my husband so that it doesn't get lost in memories of their childhood. I will continue to love him, laugh with him, serve the Lord with him, enjoy our children with him and be his best friend. I won't forget that I am a wife as well as a mother. I won't forget him.
I will continue to enjoy the men that my sweet boys have grown into now. I will keep praying for my boys, and thank the Lord for guiding us though all those years, and giving us wisdom and direction and calling my boy's hearts to Himself. And I will continue to pray for Him to guide them throughout their lives.
And I will STILL try to enjoy the now, because this time too will be but a memory some day.
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