Did you know that if you break a cookie in half before you eat it all the calories will fall out? Bet you didn't know that, did you?
Did you know that if you eat dessert standing up gravity will cause all the calories to fall down towards the ground? So, consequently, if you don't want your ankles to swell, eat sitting down. If you don't want your "sitter" to swell, eat upside down. That way gravity will cause the calories to go to your head and your hair will get big and fluffy!
Did you know that if you eat dessert for breakfast you won't have to wait all the way until dinner to eat it? Seriously, who knew?!
Did you know that if you answer the phone "goodbye" and then hang up you will confuse the caller long enough for you to make a clean getaway before he/she calls back?
Did you know that if you accidentally wear your sweatshirt on backwards, have toilet paper stuck to your foot, have broccoli in your teeth, or wear your shirt inside out not one person will tell you, but if you accidentally leave your purse on top of your car and drive away everybody and their brother will point it out to you. Not that I've ever done that or anything.
Did you know that if you can't think of anything to eat and you go open the fridge and look inside it for 45 minutes, that you still won't be able to think of anything to eat? (By the way, this one only works if you're a teenager).
Did you know that standing in the "15 items only" line at the store with 350 items in your cart still means only 15 items. No matter how much you laugh and apologize and giggle, the rest of us can still count.
Did you know that staring at the phone will not make it ring? However, taking a bath will.
Did you know that your children will not hear you call their name from six inches away, but they can hear you whisper to your husband "Should I order pizza for dinner?" from six blocks away.
Did you know that those little tiny people in your t.v. really can't hear you talking to them?
Did you know that it's hard to come up with a title for every blog post and you wonder if anybody ever reads those titles anyway?