Thursday, September 17, 2009

COOKING WITH MOM'S THE WORD

Hello and welcome to "Cooking with Mom's The Word." I'm glad you're here!

The first thing you want to do is to decide at the last minute that you want to make homemade tortillas. Now, you have never made tortillas in your life, and matter of fact, you already have some store bought ones on hand.

However, none of this matters now. Suddenly, making tortillas is more important to you than getting that last donut or beating your dog to the comfy chair.


Make sure that you have all your supplies. If you don't, go beg some from your mother, your neighbor, the five year old down the street, or the local grocery store. By all means, don't be organized because that will take all the fun and suspense out of it.


After you add in all the ingredients, cut in the shortening. Please note that you do not need scissors when you cut the shortening. You also don't need to go to Cosmetology school to learn how to do it, so hang up the phone and pay attention.


First, stop glaring at the dough and realize that it's what's inside that counts, just like your mother always assured you. Tell yourself that not every dough can be Miss Dough America. Somebody has to be the runner up. Not only that, the Dough has to start somewhere and behind every great Dough is a surprised woman, so just smile though your heart is aching.

Next, divide the dough into two pieces, and then divide it some more. Be glad that you are finally able to use your Math skills and realize that all your years of studying hard in school have finally culminated in this moment. Cry. Realize that you also can't figure out how to work the word curmudgeon into this post. Cry again, but don't get the dough wet.


Try to roll out a perfect circle and instead tell yourself that you decided to make it look like the Pac-Man game. After all, you can never have to much Pac-Man. Sadly remind yourself that rolling out dough is a privilege, not a right.

Decide to start preparing dinner and begin defrosting the ground turkey in a pan. After all, it's not like you have anything else to do at the moment.

While you're rolling out the dough, be sure and accidentally spill water all over the counter. Make sure that some of it gets in the dough and all over the floor as well. You can never have to much water and the floor probably needed to be mopped anyway, and what better time to do it than while you're making dinner?


While you're at it, drop a carton of cottage cheese all over the floor. Make everyone wonder why you had a carton of cottage cheese in your hand when you're supposed to be making tortillas. Take a picture for your blog and make sure that your foot appears in the picture, so that everyone can see your new pedicure.


Have another try at rolling out the tortilla, only this time try to make it a profile of a man with a very round head and small nose. Pretend you planned it that way. Burn one or two tortillas because you're to busy browning the meat for dinner and cleaning up the floor.


When you put the tortilla in the frying pan forget to take a picture for your blog. Also drop the spatula on the floor so that the dog can lick it. That will add lots of flavor and help your family to develop an immunity to dog germs.



Put the finished tortillas in a freezer bag and tell yourself rather snarkily that anybody can buy a tortilla but not everyone can make one. Wonder if snarkily is a word. Look it up on google.

Be to embarrassed to put a link to the recipe you used for fear of retribution from the author. Promise yourself you'll do better next time. Go look up a recipe for bagels.

27 comments:

  1. You are sooooo funny girl! How do you ever come up with these post!?

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  2. Oh have mercy! I could have written this post the last time I made tortillas. I was ready to throw my dough out the window and then of course would have had to take a picture of that! LOL
    They "look" good my friend. Thanks for taking us along on your tortilla making adventure!
    Hugs.
    Kim

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  3. Good job Nan. Those turned out pretty -- just like the ones we'd buy in the store (minus the dog germs of course).

    Your ped looks lovely. lol

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  4. Well I came to the right place for my morning chuckle, that's for sure! LOL! Bless your heart! :)
    I love your blog!

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  5. Oh My Word, that is hilarious! I must say, though, your cooking adventures are somewhat like mine! :)

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  6. Those look wonderful. I love tortilla's...not brave enough to make them, time is money and so i will pay the price to save the time & possible my families health if I attempt to make them. LOL

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  7. I can't stop laughing...really you are WAY to funny. After this post...I will remind myself to NEVER try to make tortillas...unless I want to show off my pedicure. ;o)

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  8. Well. I guess I won't be making tortillas any time soon. If it went like this for you, I hate to imagine how it would be at our house!

    I laughed at you defrosting your ground turkey in the pan, because that's how I do it these days too. I always, always forget to take it out of the freezer in the morning, because of my stupid pregnancy brain. Then I have to stand over it for a half hour, scraping off the cooked parts, and begging and pleading with the rest of it to hurry up.

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  9. I haven't yet gotten brave enough to attempt to make my own tortillas. I just keep a healthy stock of them in my refrigerator. They work great for quesadillas for lunch.

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

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  10. You are so funny! Your ability to blog your everyday life and make us all love to read it is amazing.

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  11. You make me laugh so much! I love how real you are! The dog enjoyed helping!
    sounds a bit like my cooking escapades.
    Love Collette xxx

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  12. Homemade tortillas, señora??? No, gracias. Hey, we're immune to dog germs over here, too! Dog flu anyone?? Bring it on! Have a great day ~ ♥

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  13. Nice pedi...I think I have that same color on MY toes!! I love you for that.
    Tortillas are an adventure for another day, as long as they're only 99 cents at ALDI, why bother??
    Well, maybe someday when I need to spill cottage cheese I'll give them a try.

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  14. I've never made homemade tortillas, but I bet they are sooo much better than store bought!!

    You're too funny, Nan! Love the "pedicure" shot!! haha!

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  15. Funny! I loved the cottage cheese part! :D

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  16. My missionary friend from Mexico who works in the next city over, taught me how to make tortillas but man, I just rather her make them or buy them. It is a trick that´s for sure! But you did a juggling act for this post!

    I am amazed the camera didn´t end up in the pan!

    Thanks for coming over to encourage about our schedule. I really have thought of some posts this week but alas Mondays and Fridays may be my only days to post from here on out. We shall see.

    Love the pedi by the way! LOL

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  17. OK, so I laughed from the beginning to the end of this.......and you also inspired me to break out of my reliance of store bought tortillas and make my own.

    I will hold you accountable for the weight gain when I am eating burritos every night for the next few weeks.

    ps. Go check out my Top Ten list from yesterday....it is people with cute feet like you that I talked about. LOL.

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  18. We've got that immunity to dog germ thing covered at our house!
    You are a queen among women...making your own tortillas! I guess you were just lucky to be born with the magical kitchen powers. They skipped MY generation in our family!

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  19. LOL! I ended up asking for a tortilla press for CHRISTmas last year and they look much better than the ones I used to make. :D

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  20. Oh mom, please don't make bagels. :/

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  21. LOLOL - oh my goodness! I popped over here because I want to participate (for my first time) in your Make your home sing Meme, and I got caught up reading your tortilla post, LOL. I LOVE it! Yup, I've made tortillas before and I can totally relate....gee, I also relate to the sneaking in the pedicure, taking a picture for your blog, dropping several things on the floor, forgetting to take a photo that you MEANT to take, LOL - you're so funny, I'll be back (in my best Arnold impersonation).
    Blessings!

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  22. ☼¨`*•.♥YUM YUM♥.•*¨`☼
    MUY DELICIOSOS!!!
    Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

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  23. Those tortillas look good. How did they taste?

    Your son says they were good. I love home made tortillas.

    I have fond memeories of my friend's grandma making them everyday and when I got invited over to eat I sure loved them.

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  24. I've made home-made tortillas exactly TWO times...both times were unmitigated disasters. You're not alone...

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  25. haha...Tortilla-making's Top Ten Tips...

    well...I love the spatula-on-the-floor-for-the-dog-transfer-to-become-immunities-for-the-tam-and-friends Tip :o)

    Blessings & aloha!

    gracias, mi amiga!

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  26. Hubby & I got a good chuckle at the cottage cheese incident. That was so cute. Personally I think your tortillas looked great. I'd eat 'em!

    As far as sifting goes...Sometimes I still sift my flour just in case. But then some times I just skip it.

    ~Mrs. M

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