Sunday, August 16, 2009

MAKING YOUR HOME SING MONDAY: NAGGING

Making your home sing Mondays

Welcome to the Making Your Home Sing Monday meme! Every day you are doing something to make your house into a home for yourself and your family (if you have one). My point with each Monday post is, what are you doing or going to do today to make your home sing?

It can be an attitude or an action. Motivation, our attitude, baking, encouraging our husband or children (if we have either one), organization, cleaning, saving money....the opportunities are endless.

The American Heritage Dictionary defines nagging as "to annoy by constant scolding, complaining or urging...to scold, complain or find fault constantly."

The Bible says "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife" in Proverbs 25:24. It also says "Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife" in Prov. 21:19.

You're welcome.

Have you ever started a sentence with "I hate to nag but....." or "Sorry about nagging but...." You know, I don't like to nag either. But sometimes I think we train ourselves to nag.

To nag or not to nag, that is the question. Do I let something go, and let it pile up and pile up, and then I blow up? Do I get in little "digs" that begin with "you never...." or "you always...."

Do I passively/aggressively walk around slamming cupboards and doors, until somebody finally comes out and sweetly asks "Are you upset?" or "What's wrong?"

Do I blow up at them if they do come out? Thereby teaching them not to ask ever again or suffer the consequences?

Have I adequately communicated my expectations to my children? Have I adequately trained them on the things that I expect them to do? Have I followed through on consequences if they don't meet those expectations (acting), or do I just get mad instead (reacting)? What is my response, am I acting or reacting?

Have I adequately communicated my thoughts to my husband? Do I expect him to read my mind?

Am I treating my husband as if he were one of the children? Do I expect obedience from him, as well? Am I constantly nagging him and are we fighting about it? Am I getting more and more frustrated and he's getting more and more annoyed?

The thing is, we can't make our husbands do what we want them to do. We can't make them "obey" us. We can't force them to pick up after themselves, fix the leaking faucet, or change the baby's diaper. But sometimes, we get so used to being mommy to the kids that we forget and try to be mommy to our husbands too.

I could do a whole Ephesians 5 thing here, but I couldn't do it justice, and besides, I don't have time. The thing is, we are to love and honor our husbands. We are to give them our respect and to live in submission to them.

As I've said before in a previous post on submission (here), the word "submissive" can often be misunderstood. That does not mean that a woman is not as important as a man. That does not mean that she has less value than a man. Men and women are of equal worth in God's eyes. They have different roles but equal worth. However, there can only be one head in a home, and God has designated the man as head of the home.

It works best that way. There can't be two heads of the family. Somebody has to lead, and somebody has to follow, and God has called the husband to lead.

My hubby and I are not alike. My hubby looks at things differently than I do. That's how God made him. At any given moment, he may have a different priority than I do.

While, at that moment, I may feel that having him nail something to the wall is about as important as world peace, my hubby may feel differently. While I may feel that there is nothing more important than him putting the mail away instead of leaving it out, he may feel that peace and happiness lie elsewhere at that moment.

(This can go both ways, you know. While he may feel that nothing is more important than clean socks or clean towels, I may have other priorities that day.....such as blogging. So he may be running out because I was busy goofing off and didn't notice.)

I can choose to follow him around and nag him, and cause tension in our marriage, or I can choose to accept that some things may not get done when I want (or not at all) and let it go. I can choose to appreciate and be thankful for the things that my husband does do, instead of dwelling on the things that he doesn't.

I can take things to the Lord in prayer, and ask him to change me, not my husband. To make me more patient, more forgiving. I can choose to love the things about my husband that make him such a good husband and father, and prayerfully ignore the "little" things that may or may not get done.

Or I can choose to nag, and to tear my marriage down with my own hands. Hmmmm, what will I choose this week? What will you choose?

What are you doing or going to do today to make your home sing? Please go here for instructions and/or ideas and come back here to link up to join us today! Please do not put your own Making Your Home Sing Monday Linky on your blog. As always, please don't forget to link to this post. Also, please don't forgot to leave me a comment!

28 comments:

  1. This is such a GREAT reminder for all of us...very, VERY true!

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  2. OMG!!! thank you thank you thank you!!! Your comment made my day...week...month!!! THANK YOU!
    I actually got tears in my eyes!

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  3. So true! Who likes listening to a nag? LOL!

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  4. What a great post!!!! Great reminders! Thanks!

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  5. Good Morning Nan,

    I like this post, well said and a good reminder.

    I happen to have a super husband who gets everything done when it needs to be done...and expects the same of me, who would rather put it off until tomorrow.

    I have never complained about picking up his socks that he drops wherever he happens to take them off; I have always considered that my job, if that is the way he is, however, I do become unhappy when my children think that since Papa leaves his socks around, they should be able to, too. I doesn't work that way my dear Little Ones...I was not put here to train your father.

    I am not saying I am perfect, or that he is. My problem is not nagging him to get things done or put things away…I have to be careful not to nag about the way he chooses to lead, being the head of the house. We do have different ideas of HOW things should get done. I tend to think I have the RIGHT way of doing things and have to remind myself that I need to do it his way when he tells me how he wants things done.

    Yep, that is how I am, so thanks for the reminder of WHO is the head. :)
    ♥Hope

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  6. Oh...and thank you for the SWEET comment on the award post.
    Love you, Nan!
    ♥Hope

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  7. ouch, but so great! Thanks for the reminded

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  8. Ugh...when I start to hear myself really nagging...I don't like it at all...imagine what everyone else things about it! I feel like I nag my kids more right now. I'm always telling them the things they already know! sigh...they still love me ;) But I need to remember to keep that in my prayers! Thanks for this! ;)

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  9. So true Nan. It has definitely taken me 20 years to realize that I can't make my husband do one thing. Why even try? Ha. Like you said, it just brings strike and division. Prayer changes things ... I DO NOT. God changes lives and hearts -- PEOPLE DO NOT.

    Thanks for the reminder Nan.

    Your picture at Nannette's place ... hee hee.

    Love!
    Beth

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  10. Hi Nan! I used to be terrible for nagging my husband. I am still not great but better. It is hard and I do treat him like one of the kids as well. I think we all need to pray about this.
    I don't know if i will get a post done for MYHSM as v busy day - Jacob had first morning at school and first new session of toddlers at Church.
    Love Collette xxx

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  11. I was SO guilty of this yesterday!! Now, I'm going to go apologize to my husband for my temper tantrum yesterday!

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  12. Nagging..that is a tough one!!
    Blessings, andrea

    PS: There is a prayer request on arise 2 write

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  13. This is so good! I'll be thinking of attitude today as well as I run arround.

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  14. Thanks Nan..I think you might have written that post for me. My hubs was just on me last night and I was in some kind of foul mood, I had to just head into the office and bust out my devotion because MAN I was crabby. I need to be way better about NOT nagging.

    Thanks for the reminder...and PS, here is what I am doing to make my home sing...Not starting a fire in the dryer....YEP...you guessed it, Laundry causes fires!!!! LOL

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  15. Yes! Change me Lord! This was a great post Nan! One you could put in your Nan's Wisdom column! :)

    Hey I just saw the greatest photo of you over at Mocha Momma's. It was great! Looks like you all had a great 80's party.

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  16. Wonderful reminder of how powerful our responses are. I love the prayer of "change ME", for that is when we will see true change. Beautiful post!

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  17. Great Post!

    For the most part i do not nag. My mother-in-law does enough of that where my hubby is concerned for both of us!!! :)

    I learned a long time ago, more things get done with kindness than nagging. Plus what is the use, I just upset myself.

    But, as for my kids...I probably need to work on my nagging just a little.

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  18. Great reminders! I am so sorry if my suggestions were not good suggestions!! forgive me for my comments on the last post. Why do I do that? Anyway, you always make us think! Thanks.

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  19. Thankfully I'm not much of a nagger-and I think Paul would agree. That doesn't mean that I never have, or never do, because I do, and even I don't like me when I'm that way!
    Jen

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  20. I find that nagging may get the issue done or the chore complete but there is a cost on the back side that is missing, it is respect for someone's feelings.

    We should never be such as to cause them pain where a kind word offered could accomplish the same result.

    Nagging accomplishes nothing to someone's self esteem.

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

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  21. This is a good reminder for all of us. I try really hard to not nag, because I find that it really accomplishes nothing, except to create resentment.

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  22. I love what you said about submission! I couldn't agree more!! Thanks so much for sharing your wisdom, as always. :0)

    Mrs. Nurse Boy

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  23. Great, great post! I so needed to hear that. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us newly weds!

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  24. Mom's really do have superpowers, dno't we? =0)

    Erica

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  25. Ouch but getting better. I hate to nag but...
    Lord help me in that area. I am too much a perfectionist. I need to learn to let things go. Thanks for the gentle reminders.

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  26. Good Advice! I tend to nag my kids more than I want to as well. Some days are better or worse than others.

    My husband is in the process of putting a new roof on our house right now so I have found it quite easy to keep my nagging under control. :0) I even rubbed his feet tonight!

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  27. okay girl...I came back to read this! OUTSTANDING MY FRIEND!!! I think you did an amazing job giving us all a gentle little wake up call! You are a wise little soul my friend!

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  28. I agree...what a wonderful post!

    now...reminder to self: NO more nagging!
    um, maybe just a gentle reminder.

    How true that is about how two people may have a different outlook, perspective, priority of the things around them. ...same scene, but seen through differnt eyes.

    Love your post...as usual :o)

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