Sunday, May 17, 2009

MAKING YOUR HOME SING MONDAY: WHY CAN'T A MAN BE MORE LIKE A WOMAN?

Making your home sing Mondays



Welcome to the "Making Your Home Sing Monday" meme! First, before we begin, let me remind you that our new blog Five Moms And A Blog is starting up today! I am blogging with four other gals (they are a hoot!) and it oughta be a blast so please join us!


Why can't a man be more like a woman? Isn't it amazing how different we are? When the kids were little, my hubby had an awesome talent of tuning them out. He wouldn't do it on purpose, but if he was focusing on something he just was oblivious to their call.

They would say "Dad. Dad. Dad" and he would just keep doing whatever he was doing, not even hearing them. Until I would say "Answer him!!!!!!!"

He also had the ability to sit and watch a t.v. show with a whole bunch of toys around him on the floor and it didn't phase him a bit. He could concentrate and enjoy the show without even noticing the toys.

For me, that was an impossibility. The toys were in my line of sight and I couldn't sit down and watch a t.v. show without cleaning up all the toys first. They were just to distracting to me and I couldn't relax and enjoy the show.

I couldn't concentrate on something when the kids were constantly talking away at me. I couldn't tune them out. The call "Mom?", made in the middle of the night, no matter how quiet would wake me up from a sound sleep. That's how Moms are wired.

My husband could leave the kitchen a mess and go and relax for the rest of the evening and it wouldn't bother him. The dishes screaming from the kitchen, the clothes crying out from the washing machine "Dry me! Dry me!" would be a siren song to me that he could not hear.

However, I could care less how high the lawn grows, and it drives my husband nuts to see it get over a quarter of an inch! He is always out there mowing, and if he can't mow because it's raining, he's wishing he could.

If the oil needs changing......who cares? If the bathroom sink needs fixing, yeah it's inconvenient but I can live with it. For my husband, however, he is just itching to get out to the car or under the sink and fix it.

If a bill needs paying, he can't put it off. He can no more put off his responsibilities than I can put off mine.

He has an amazing ability to focus and concentrate on one thing and block everything else out, and I have an amazing ability to focus on more than one thing at a time.....you may call it easily distracted but I prefer to call it "multi-tasking." And this is my blog so I win, ha!

Yet, sometimes, I expect him to act more like me. God made him a very special way. Yet still, I have been bothered at times that he just didn't "get" it.

Like, early in our marriage when I would talk to him about something that was bothering me, he would give me suggestions. He would want to "fix" it, and that would annoy me. I didn't want him to fix it. I just wanted him to listen to me!

From my husband's perspective he was wondering why I was coming to him with a problem if I didn't want him to fix it???? Do you see how male-female communication can get so messed up sometimes?

We expect our husbands to be like a woman! We expect them to react just exactly how we would react. We expect them to see danger in every corner when it comes to our children. We expect them to stop at the gas station and ask for directions. We expect them to just know what we're thinking instead of our having to tell them!!!

When my husband was sleeping and snoring as he occasionally has, I used to wake up and just glare at him. I was sure that somehow my glare would wake him up from a sound sleep.....I just knew that he could sense the power of my glare and wake up. Didn't work, however, a well placed elbow does wonders!

Sometimes, we are unfair to people. Whether they are our spouses, our children, our co-workers, friends, etc. Sometimes we expect them to think just like us. We expect them to act just like us. And when they don't, we are disappointed. Sometimes, we are even mad.

We put words and thoughts behind people's actions, many times unfairly. Just because our husbands don't think to do something, we can blow it all out of proportion and get mad. We can put words in our husband's mouth, words that they aren't even saying let alone thinking, and then we can get mad at them for it.....even though they never opened their mouths. We think that we know what they're thinking. How unfair is that? I don't even know what I'm thinking sometimes!

My husband always says "Don't infer evil intent." That means don't look at something someone did or said and infer evil into it. Don't judge them unfairly. Don't look at something they've done and decide that you know that they did it just to annoy or hurt you. Don't jump to a conclusion in your mind. Don't decide that you know their motivation behind their words or actions.

Sometimes when there is a lack of communication our minds will make up it's own scenario. And we can blow things way out of proportion due to our own insecurities.

Men are different from us. And I say thank you Lord! There is a reason that God made us differently. It is so that we complement one another. It is so that we can balance each other's strengths and weaknesses!

If we try to be thankful for those differences, and allow our husbands the freedom to be the men that God has created them to be, we will make our homes sing today and every day.

What are you doing or going to do today to make your home sing?
Please go here for instructions and/or ideas and come back here to link up to join us today! As always, please don't forget to link to this post. Also, please don't forgot to leave me a comment!


17 comments:

  1. yes, isn't it obvious when I shut the cabinet doors a little harder or sigh a little louder that I really need help putting the dishes away and cleaning up the kitchen! I've learned that they cannot read our minds...we really do have to spell it out sometimes...or simply ask "Will you please help me put some dishes away?" I'm constantly apologizing for the mess of Barbie and her accessories all over the floor, and says, "what?" because he doesn't notice it, and truly steps over them unaware on his way to the recliner...hee hee! Gotta embrace those differences!

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  2. You're so right! I used to want my husband to agree w/ me on everything or do things how I did them.

    And I totally agree about the last part. It just reminds me of Proverbs 3:5-6, to not lean on our own undersanding!

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  3. It is funny that us girls are all the same. I could have written the very same thing about things that "bother" me :) I am going to have to get my husband to read this so he knows that I am not the only "weird" one :)

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  4. I totally relate to this! Things go a lot smoother when I am not taking what my hubby says defensively or putting words in his mouth.
    Gotta let them be who God created them to be!
    AMEN!

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  5. I have most of these thoughts too! Sometimes I just want to say, "PAY ATTENTION!" Gotta love 'em!

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  6. What a great post my friend! I have learned this with my husband. He doesn't always see the mess. But if I point it out, he is more than willing to help. What a great help that has been.

    Thanks again for hosting this my friend! I always appreciate your great wisdom and your friendship! Have a great week my friend!

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  7. Oh, my!! Everyone else doesn't think the exact same way as me?!?! No wonder there are so many problems in the world! ;-)

    It is amazing how issues that bother me don't bother DH and vice-versa. I like what your DH says, "don't infer evil intent." I have to remember that more often! This is something that I work on (or at least need to) daily.

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  8. That's soooo true. BTW...do we have the same husband, cause your husband sounds just like mine. HUMMMMM....makes me wonder.

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  9. Oh my gosh...laughing, laughing, laughing...I can't count the number of times I've said to Superman, "Honey, the kids are talking to you" and jolted him out of his "man place". Everyone has finally accepted that I can't sit and watch a movie in a dirty room. Man, I wish that anti-snore glare worked...seriously...I would market it! I like what your husbands says...I say a version to my children regarding each other and their friends..."don't assume negative intent and don't assume it was about YOU"...it is a difficult lesson to learn and a powerful one. Honestly, it is the realization that we are not, in fact, the center of the universe. Sigh...I hated that lesson. Great post and have a great day!

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  10. Oh - this is a good one. Painful, but good. It's good to take stock and appreciate our differences in our marriage - knowing the differences make us better. And Knowing God designed marriage to WORK this way!

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  11. Beautifully said! We sure do have to be careful what we read into situations. I think even more so now with emails, texting and the likes.

    I know my mom once called me and read me and email from her sister and was all upset. When I explained to her that maybe it was intended a different way, but it can be so hard to tell sometimes. Lesson learned...never assume what the other person is thinking...just like you said.

    Thanks for the reminder!

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  12. I just came across your blog and must say, I love the name! I have always been a sucker for puns, and your is great!

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  13. You are a wise, wise woman! We are so different...and, yet, we do need to remind ourselves that it is a GOOD thing.

    My children would live in a sterile bubble if I didn't have my husband reminding me that mud and dirt are fun to play in once in a while. And, I get to remind him that mud and dirt can be hard to wash out of brand new clothes. It is called balance.

    Mrs. Nurse Boy

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  14. Thank you SO much for the comment you left on my blog. My daughter and I read it together, and she said to me..."That lady is so sweet, I just want to give her a big hug"!

    Thank you for your insight and wisdom and for taking the time to commment.

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  15. Everything about this post made me smile : ). And nod my head yes! And wonder WHY they are so unique : ).

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  16. They are so different. I have to remind myself often how differently they think than we do. I was just talking about this same subject today with my neighbor. Trying to appreciate him for him and not trying to make him more like me.

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