Sunday, May 3, 2009

MAKING YOUR HOME SING: HONORING DAD

Making your home sing Mondays


Welcome to the Making Your Home Sing Monday meme!

Today's post won't apply to everyone, or maybe even anyone, but I do feel that there is some importance to it so wanted to share it. This one is a long one, sorry.

Do you honor Dad in your home? Do your children see dad as an authority figure, or just as another "kid." Do you encourage your children to respect him? Do you support him in front of the children, even if you don't agree, or do you undermine his authority in the home?

Do you say that dad "doesn't know what he's talking about" or "don't listen to your dad" or other comments like that to your children? Do you talk against your husband in front of your friends, or in front of your kids? Do your children see you as the head of your home? Is your husband just a breadwinner?

Sometimes mom and the kids can become a team ganging up against dad. Mom feels good having a little support in her court, and dad feels ganged up on. All in all, not a great thing for the marriage or the family.

Also, many times as young mothers, it is easy to usurp the husband's God-given authority in the home. It isn't like it's done on purpose. It's just that, after the baby is born, mom often becomes "the authority" on the baby.

She knows when he ate last, how long he slept, when he needs to eat again, when he was last changed, etc. This can continue as the baby gets older and becomes mobile and talking. Mom knows when he needs to eat, when he needs to nap, why he needs a time-out and so on.

If the child goes and asks dad "Can I have a cookie? Can I have an apple? Can I go to a friend's house?" many times dad will say "Go ask your mom." Because usually mom knows whether or not it will spoil his dinner, she knows if he already had an apple today, she knows whether he can go play at the friend's house or not.

Usually, with dad being at work and all, he is not quite as aware that his son has already had three cookies today, isn't allowed to play with the kid next door, or whatever. So he is more than happy to send the child to mom for an answer.

While totally understandable, this can backfire. I remember my husband telling my son he could do something once and my son said "Did you ask mommy?" He was maybe about three or four at the time. It was at this point that we realized that our oldest was beginning to see me as the sole, ultimate authority in the home.

We want to involve our husbands in the decision making. Sending the child to dad with their questions establishes not only dad's authority, but also teaches the child that they can go to dad with anything. It teaches them that dad is interested in what they're thinking, feeling, etc. The kids get used to going to mom all day when dad is at work, and they will often continue to go to mom even when dad is home.

Some dads will shy away from making the decisions at first, as they are afraid of making the wrong one. They may also be afraid of your reaction if they make the "wrong" decision. Some need to be encouraged to make some decisions, even if they want to run them by mom first!

Some really don't care and will often prefer that the child goes to mom. However, you are building for the future here. We don't want to downplay dad's role in our children's lives. We don't want to make it seem as if mom is the head of the home and all dad is good for is money. As the kids get older and become teens, you want to be in this together.

What you are doing here is involving your husband in your child's life. What you are doing is sharing the role of parenting. Teaching the kids that mom and dad are a team, and that that team is in the kid's court. There to love, support him, and discipline him if need be...together.

Honor your husband in your home. Make sure your children know that dad is more than a financial provider. When daddy comes home, have the children greet him at the door, and you greet him too. Make daddy's coming home a pleasant experience for everyone.

For some, the idea of respecting their husband is a tough one. Maybe they feel their husband hasn't earned their respect. Maybe he doesn't want to be involved. Still, we are told by the Lord to honor and respect our husband. We are responsible to God for our actions, not our spouse's actions.

Carrie did a great post here about respecting our husbands which covers alot more than I have time or room for here. Please pop over and give it a read!

Today one way to make our homes sing is to remember to honor our husbands, and to give them the respect that the Lord tells us to give. It isn't up to us to decide whether or not they deserve it. We are just told to give it. Let the Lord love your husband through your actions today.

What are you doing or going to do today to make your home sing? Please go here for instructions and/or ideas and come back here to link up to join us today! As always, please don't forget to leave me a comment!

22 comments:

  1. I enjoyed this post. As a single mother, sometimes I wonder how I will deal with this if I marry while my son is still a child. As my son gets older I can see it being a challenge not only for him to accept authority from my husband, but also for me to hand it over to my husband when it comes to my son. I'm sure my husband and I will work out some sort of an arrangement that will work for us.

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  2. So funny that you posted this. I was just telling my husband how our daughter looks to me to see if she needs to obey him. It is horrible. I don't know why she acts like that because I do honor him -- really I do.

    The only thing I can figure out is he is kindof afraid of HER (and she knows it). For instance, the other night she threw a FIT because she didn't want to eat her supper! I wasn't going to give in to her "fit" but dug in my heels and threatened to take her new Hello Kitty back to the store. She was about to scream and cry at this point and so was my husband (the crying part anyway). I told her she could sit there until 3am, but she was going to eat! Finally, the Hello Kitty was the bargaining tool that worked (then she loved the food and ate it all).

    Point being ... he lets HER call the shots.

    I look forward to seeing the advice others give.

    Sorry for the book!

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  3. Love the post! I see/hear so many wives disrespect their husbands in front of the children (or neighbors!) and it makes me crazy.

    Beth, it is a girl thing, I'm convinced of it! We have two sons and a daughter and my husband lets "The Girl" walk all over him and she knows it. Like you, I've had to lay down the law to her and clip her little wings...I just wanted you to know you're not alone.

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  4. Ah, so true! It definitely was like this when the Alex was a baby. I was critical of everything he did, because I always did it, and it THIS way...mine! But, growing older, and wiser {LOL!} we work more as a team, although sometimes it still falls in my court, but if one of us gives our authority and they run to the other for a different answer, we look at each other and say..."Daddy already told you NO!" or vice versa. They sure know how to 'play' us, and try to pull a fast one sometimes! What a wonderful post! Thanks for the mention :) I've learned some awesome advice from you!

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  5. When I have to enforce the piddly stuff, and it appears like I'm leading, I remind the kids that it is daddy's desire that we do this or that. It's a nice way to remind them that daddy is in charge even when it looks like mommy is enforcing things.

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  6. I think this was awesome. So true. I still am working on this because Agent is gone so much I am the authority so often.
    I loved Carrie's post too.

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  7. Thanks Erin. Sometimes I feel like I'm too soft, but she knows who plays hardball. It is strange to watch.

    I certainly pray I don't override my husband. She definitely looks to me for the final word.

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  8. What a great post! This is why I love your blog so much! ^_^
    I noticed how picky I was when we had our first and that it intimidated my hubby--I had to learn to let certain things go and to bite my tongue when I thought something should be done a certain way. He is such a wonderful daddy--so involved with our babies and I'm so thankful God corrected me early on. I do want to show greater respect in our home for our daddy and it's such a great idea to defer to him always! Thanks so much for this post!

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  9. Wow, hard one for me right now... you understnad why though!

    I totally agree with every word of it though. Praise God for your testimony in this.

    Pray for me!

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  10. Your post is right on (again)! If I don't show my husband respect, how can my kids? My husband just had a "talk" with my oldest son about how he answers my husband when he calls him.

    Good one!!!

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  11. You know how sometimes when away from one another you and your husband give totally different answers/permissions? I tell my kids that if Dad and I have given different answers that he ALWAYS wins and they are to obey him. He is the boss and I am mini boss. They have questioned whether they will get in trouble for not obeying or listening to me, and I tell them that they don't want to receive the punishment when they choose my word over his.

    I don't understand the problem so many have with allowing the husband to lead. I guess it is easier in the south. My friend moved to Minneapolis and went to dinner with some other couples. Her husband has always asked what she wants to eat and then tells the waiter what each of them would like. She then went to the bathroom and two of the women came and berated her and they were livid that he treated her like that. To us, he is treating you like a special jewel, taking care of you. To them, he was treating her like a child and wouldn't give her a voice. She talked about these men being afraid to speak up on other issues. These women had taken the leader roll and "were not going to be under the control of any man!" Who is winning. I say the woman that has more control because her husband loves and charishes her.

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  12. I think can be a hard one for us women, I know it is for me! It must be the Eve thing, going ahead of our husbands, thinking we know the best way to handle what goes on in the home because we are there more than daddy is. The problem is, when we as wives and moms try to do everything our way, many husbands will shrink back and let us take the reins instead of trying to fight for his rightful place as head of the home. Great post!

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  13. This is a great post!! We are so lacking in the respect department for men today. Men are viewed more as accessories or idiots than anything else. I see it so often even among my church and homeschooling friends! It's an epidemic!! We are undermining our husbands and destroying our children's understanding of the importance of a father.

    I have two sons that are being raised by a wonderfully attentive and loving father. My husband had an absent father. He was in the home but NEVER engaged in family. His mother was very dominate and belittling to his dad. It was and still is very hurtful for him to remember it and still witness it today!!

    We have to be so careful not to undermine our husbands God given authority as leaders in the home. It is such a fragile but important role for men. I think the first chance they get to get off the hook of responsibility, most times they will take it!! It is the woman's job to lift up our husbands and gently give them respect so that we encourage them to be the men and father's that God wants them to be.

    A lot of how great a leader our husbands will be is in directly related to how we treat them!!

    There is a great chapter in the book "Biblical Womanhood in the Home" that is about our Heavenly Father and why we are to relate to him as a father although he most definately exhibits the traits of a woman too! It wonderful and I highly recommend reading it. I have a blog about the book and this chapter is my next post!!!

    BTW...thanks for the link to your friends blog about frugality! This is my first time to be in a black out month and I need all the encouragement I can get!!! I am such an impulse shopper!!

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  14. I need to always be evaluating this area in my life. Just recently I failed in this. I believe it is always a source for the devil to get into the family.
    I will be printing this article to help me as a constant reminder. Thanks.
    btw.. I didn´t see mr linky.

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  15. Oh ok.. my internet must have been slow. I finally could see Mr. Linky. Thanks for linking me,Moms.

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  16. Great post!!Even when my hubby is n't home , I tell them 'what did Dad say about that last time?" or "you know what dad would sas." And when he's home, I tell them to go ask thir father, or if I give them permission , and then my husband disagrees , I don't go against him. Not always easy to honor them but it is a beautiful thing to do,even if we are upset with them, because they see the love of God in us, and it is only through that love from God ,that we're able to do so, ok now I'm preaching..LOl

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  17. Great post my friend! Our children definitely need to know that Dad deserves honor and respect. My son & my husband are very close. But there are times when I do try to advise where I shouldn't. Thank you for the great reminder to make sure we show our respect too.

    Take care my friend!
    Hope your Monday is off to a great start!

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  18. I really enjoyed this....and am looking forward to participating in this meme next week!

    You speak words of wisdom....my prayer is that in so many fatherless homes, our girls will grow up to still respect men and also it be reciprocated back to them (and the most important thing is that they deserve to be respected)

    We are instilling respect and honor for my husband as the head of the household, provider and loving father with our children. We are far from perfect, but trying to set the best Godly example we can.

    Peace
    *~Michelle~*

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  19. Great post and great reminder!
    My husband and I strive to have our marriage be a complete team, but as you know, it doesn't always work out so perfectly. But, trying is half the battle :)

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  20. Thanks for posting this, we will both be at home and the girls turn to me first . . . even when I am sleeping. We are a work in progress. Have a blessed day

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  21. My children are often coming to me with every question...even if my husband is right there. I have to remind them that I am not the only one who can answer them.

    Great post.

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  22. Great post! I try to be very aware of dh's authority in the home and submission. It is hard though as I think naturally we all want to rebel. LOL! Next thing you know I'm going to be a harley rider with black leather. Just kidding! LOL! I love my husband! :D The kids actually really respond better to him.

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